sex

'I don't want it anymore.' 50 Aussie women share exactly how much sex they're having, and whether they're satisfied.

Fact: everyone thinks everyone else is having more sex than they are.

Ask a bunch of women how often you should be having sex – maybe friends over drinks, in an Instagram poll or like I did, your colleagues – and I’ll bet a fair chunk will tell you three times a week is the ‘right amount’.

Some would say that number sounds about right. Others might think it could be higher.

Then, there are women wondering: How? When?! Am I not desirable enough? Is my relationship broken? Am I broken?

When Mamamia surveyed over 1,000 women aged 18-75 about their sex lives, it became pretty clear there’s no unanimous answer to that question.

The most common answer was once a week (279 women), followed by twice a week (194), once a fortnight (168) and once a month (157). In fact, three or more times a week came in fifth.

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Here's a graph from our sex survey. Do these results surprise you? Image: Mamamia.

But what's more important than how often women are having sex is whether women are happy and content with how much they're having.

This question divided women almost exactly down the middle.

48.3 per cent of the women surveyed said they're comfortable with how much sex they're having, 46.1 per cent said they aren't, and for around five per cent of women, the answer isn't so straightforward.

To get deeper into the grey areas of how much sex women are having, why they're having it, and if they're enjoying it, 50 Australian women shared their honest experiences.

1. Once a week.

"I think having sex once a week is more than enough for my needs, however, I think my husband would like it two or three times a week."

2. Once a year.

"I'm not in a relationship and I find it hard to have a connection with people I want to have sex with, so right now, I don't wish I was having more sex."

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3. Two or more times a week.

"We have two small children and amongst work and life commitments, it's all we can fit in."

4. Once every few months.

"For me, gynaecological issues have led to psychological problems around sex. I used to have much more sex and loved it, but it's so hard for me now and I've found there's so little support."

5. Every day.

"We can't get enough of each other. I have finally found someone who really understands my needs and we both enjoy experimenting and being loving equally."

6. Once a fortnight.

"I would like to have sex more often. Like we used to. But just saying that you want to have more sex doesn't magically make it happen."

7. Once a week.

"I wonder if our sex life is satisfying for my partner. We don't talk about it."

Side note - there are some pretty interesting ways women can orgasm, watch the video below to learn how. Post continues after video.

Video by MMC

8. Twice a year.

"I have endometriosis and vaginismus. I'm getting treatment but sex is painful for me and it makes me anxious thinking about being intimate with someone."

9. I've never had sex.

"I'm a bit anxious about my first time. But also don't feel pressured to have sex yet."

10. Once a month, every day.

"My husband is in the Navy so isn't home as often as we'd like. When he is home, we make the most of it and will have a lot of sex."

11. Once every six months.

"I've been single for five years. Dating and having casual sex can be scary and dangerous. My go-to guy for sex just got a girlfriend, so I'm fresh out of options right now."

12. Not having sex right now.

"I feel like I'm wasting 'my good years' and constantly feel inadequate for not having enough sex."

13. Once a month, sometimes less.

"I have no desire for sex until I'm having sex. Lately, I can't stop talking to my partner about how we're not having enough sex, and it makes the sex we are having feel clunky and out of sync. I love my partner and can't imagine not being with them, but I wonder if we're missing out."

14. Once a week.

"I think it would help to normalise the expectations around having 'hot sex' with your partner all the time. Often, the reality is very different, but when we don't talk about it, we feel like it's a personal challenge to tackle."

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15. Once every few months.

"Giving birth has changed me. It changed my relationship with my husband because I no longer feel comfortable or have a desire to have sex. Neither does my husband."

16. Once a month.

"We've just had a baby after two years of trying. When we were trying, sex began to feel like more of a chore. I'm currently waiting for my sex drive to come back, I'm four months postpartum."

17. Not having sex right now.

"I haven't had sex in eight years. I've been with my partner for 10 years..."

18. On weekends.

"We live busy lives and while a year ago, I would have liked to be having sex more frequently, I am now comfortable to stick mostly to weekends."

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"We can't get enough of each other. I have finally found someone who really understands my needs." Image: Getty.

19. Once a week.

I take medication that affects my libido. I used to love having sex four times a week but now, I just don't want it anymore."

20. Once a month.

"I have minimal interest in having sex, despite being happily married. I feel guilty for not wanting to have more sex, like, should I want it more?"

21. Every day.

"I enjoy having sex every day, at the moment. However, I feel my partner has a higher sex drive then me, so I feel I just go with it to satisfy his needs when really, I'd rather less sex."

22. Once a week.

"I would like it to be more frequent, but it seems myself and my partner have mismatched libidos."

23. Once every six months.

"We are the parents of a special needs child, so our children come first. I would love more time with my husband to reconnect, but I'm too tired."

24. Three times a week.

"The sex we're having is good and loving. We don't have enough time to do it more regularly, anyway."

25. Once every few months.

"I'm single, so sex is quite rare. I'd like to be having more sex, but I don't really rate one night stands because I always feel they're demoralising."

26. Once a week, long-distance.

"My partner and I are long-distance, so we can't have sex frequently. We do have sex most times we see each other, though."

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27. Not having sex right now.

"We're going through couples therapy. I'm not ready to start having sex again, not sure when I will be."

28. Once a month, and happy.

"I'm happy with having sex once a month because I don't equate sex with self worth anymore. I have other things that make me way happier, and different priorities as opposed to my priorities in my early twenties. I just don't find sex as interesting as I used too!"

29. Once a month, not happy.

"I feel like I should be having way more sex than I am. My partner and I live together, there is affection and cuddles, but not sex. I don't know why."

30. Once every few weeks.

"I'm a 24-year old married woman and my sex life sucks. Before we got married, our sex life was ON FIRE. But now, it's dull and lifeless. And it's definitely my fault. I seem to have lost my sex drive and I don't know why, and I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it."

31. Five or more times a week.

"I have sex five to seven times a week. I've been in a 10-year relationship and the sex is still great."

For more information on libido gaps in relationships and how to work through them, get expert advice in this episode of the Sealed Section podcast below. Post continues after audio.

32. Once a month.

"The sex is incredibly satisfying when we do have it, and I get to look forward to it because we're not doing it all the time."

33. One to three times a month, baby making.

"One to three times per month is more accurate of how much sex we're having - a few times in the week of ovulation. The rest of the month, my libido is low."

34. Once a week.

"I feel like I prioritise other things in life over spending time with my partner. I'd like that to change."

35. Three times a week.

"I have no libido and only have sex for my partner's benefit. I would prefer to have more, but sex is very painful for me."

36. Once every six months.

"My partner never feels like sex anymore and I'm sick of asking. I think it's due to his weight gain, but regardless, it makes me feel worthless."

37. Two or more times a week.

"Both of us are happy. My partner has a lower sex drive and I wouldn't mind having sex more, but I'm quite satisfied because I orgasm every time."

38. Once a fortnight.

"Neither of us have very high sex drives. We have kids and are trying for another, so on fertile days, it's every night for a week, then we tend to rest for the remainder of the month. When we're not trying, it's more like once a fortnight."

39. Not having sex right now.

"I want to be having sex (just came out of a long-term relationship where we weren't having sex) but feel nervous since I haven't had sex in ages. I don't think I know how to do sex well."

40. Once a month.

"I'm in an otherwise wonderful long-term relationship, but we don't have enough sex. It can be very frustrating, but my partner works very hard and simply does not feel like sex."

41. Once a week.

"I want to have more sex but I dread the thought of having any intimacy."

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42. Every now and then.

"I love having sex when we have it, but struggle to get in the mood due to the business of life."

"I feel guilty for not wanting more sex." Image: Getty.

43. Once a month.

"I'm not happy with our sex life because I think everyone has more sex than us. Makes me think maybe there is something missing."

44. More than three times a week.

"I feel it's a good amount of sex. We also masturbate independently or together on top of having penetrative sex."

45. Not as much anymore.

"We used to have sex several times a week, but my partner went through a period when he was smoking a lot of weed, which I hated, and I wasn't attracted to him. We've struggled to get back to where we were this time last year."

46. Once a year.

"I feel like it's really abnormal to be having such little sex in a long-term relationship..."

47. Rarely.

"I have no sexual desire and never have. I enjoy all the other aspects of being intimate with my partner, like kissing and cuddling... I know it's affecting my relationship."

48. Less than once a year.

"While I don't feel like having sex, I understand it is an important part of a loving and intimate relationship. So I don't know how I'm supposed to want more sex."

49. Once a month.

"I want more GOOD sex. If the sex was better, I'd want more of it, but it's not."

50. I'm not having sex right now.

"I'm Single AF and there's a current man drought in the remote town I live in. It's a less than ideal situation!"

*All stories were told to Mamamia through our Mamamia sex survey. Names have not been included to keep participants anonymous.

Do you think you should be having more sex? Are you comfortable with how much sex you're having? Tell us in the comments.

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