Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: 'This is probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.'

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

Everyone is proud of Ollie for having feelings and same.

Precisely no one is proud of Bronte and Harrison, and the fact we still have to watch them day after day, after ALL OF THE SH*T, irks me immensely.

"Yes, Harrison and I fight, but then we come back together because we genuinely want to remain on this show for the infamy and the free stuff," Bronte admits.

She says Harrison thinks everyone wondering why they're still here is "deflection and projection" and yes that is definitely it, absolutely, 100 per cent. He's so clever!

"How dare people keep questioning it"

Harrison accuses Evelyn of playing chess with the rest of the relationships and I simply cannot think of a fresh way to call him a hypocrite. 

I've exhausted all my material.

"Not all kings wear crowns. Some wear backwards hats," he says for reasons that are unclear and unappreciated.

John Aiken says Homestay Week has always been a transformational part of the MAFS experience, and by that he means it has irreversibly destroyed many relationships before and probably will again.

Exciting!

Lyndall is looking forward to seeing Cam in his natural environment but Cam is less excited because he's just realised they are fundamentally incompatible, because Lyndall does not own thongs.

You can literally see the moment he checks out the relationship for good

As everyone else jets off to Perth, Brisbane and er, Bondi, Alyssa and Duncan are still hashing out their drama from last night's commitment ceremony.

The jist is that Duncan opened up about his feelings of rejection during an earlier fight and Alyssa turned it around to be about her feelings of rejection because he did not tell her about his feelings of rejection.

It would've been an expert-level narrative flip, if Alessandra was not there to remind her THAT DUNCAN IS PERHAPS THE BEST MAN THIS SHOW HAS EVER HAD AND ALYSSA NEEDS. TO. STOP.

"I just feel hurt, real hurt," she tells him, once again forgetting that THIS ENTIRE THING IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT HIM.

We are seconds away from Alyssa being upset that he's upset that she's upset about him being upset

"Don't throw this on me," Alyssa tells him.

You know things are bad when I need to dig up a gif used to describe HARRISON only a few episodes back.

In Darwin, Lyndall has found Cam's pig slaughtering knife.

IT'S A BIG NO FROM ME.

Thankfully, we don't need to dwell on that because OMG.

I forgot the greatest part of these homestay episodes/the entire show tbh:

THE PETS.

HI BUDDY

A few other observations:

- Love that his roomie instantly outs him as a f***boy

- That is objectively too many fishing rods

- Cam "at his best" is going to include absolutely zero additional hugs or kisses, sorry Lyndall

Meanwhile, in the faraway land that is the Northern Beaches, Duncan is hopeful that he and Alyssa can hit the 'reset' button on their mess of a relationship.

Alyssa says her biggest insecurity is what life with Duncan will look like outside of the experiment, given she has a child.

Alyssa, trust me when I say, we know.

Their first outing is to meet up with Alyssa's mothers' group friends, who grill Duncan on whether he's okay with dating someone with a child. 

He says, for the 12,000th time, that he absolutely is, to which Alyssa says maybe that means he's not.

Because AHEM.

She has a child which means she is only available on Wednesdays and every other weekend which is BRAND NEW INFORMATION that probably should've been discussed in private!

ANYWAY.

HELLO TO EVELYN'S DOGS.

You are both ridiculous and I love it

Rupert has organised an in-home paint and sip date, complete with the same wine from their honeymoon and a little dress-up station.

It's adorable.

But Evelyn is not here for adorable. She's here for getting a lil frisky.

Or, at least that's what I thought she meant when she suggested they paint each other's bodies.

I certainly wasn't expecting this:

Sure, yup, why not

OOOH.

The next morning they wake up and confirm they ~scored a touchdown~ or whatever the correct way to explain that sports analogy is. 

There were no dogs in the room at the time, by the way. An important point to make clear.

Rupert is feeling "tip top" and I am too nice to burst his bubble over the appropriateness of discussing "skiddies" over post-sex breaky.

LOOK AT THE GRIN

The next morning, Duncan's sister Renee comes over to hang/grill him and Alyssa.

She seems nice and also, HOLY GENETICS.

Duncan is still reeling from Alyssa finally explaining how much (or how little) time she will have for him post-experiment while they were out publicly.

She fills in Renee on the my child of it all, before leaving early to pick them up from school.

Renee then encourages Duncan to bring up his concerns about it even though every time he does he somehow becomes the one in the wrong.

There's no point to this image other than to say these two are the most sibling looking siblings on this earth

In Darwin, Cam and Lyndall head to a BBQ at his mate's house.

Here, they pet and feed fish FROM THEIR MOUTHS.

This is not what I meant when I said I liked seeing everyone's animals during the homestays!!!!!

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON

Lyndall makes a joke about it being the first kiss she's had all week but...

OH.

It wasn't a joke.

She and Cam are fighting because Lyndall reckons affection is a crucial part of a relationship and Cam does not.

WEIRD

Cam tells his mate that affection has been one of their biggest issues and it quickly devolves into another fight.

THIS POOR MAN WAS JUST ASKING HOW THEY WERE AS A COURTESY.

AND NOW IT'S LIKE HE'S WATCHING TABLE TENNIS.

Lyndall says she just kissed a f***ing fish, so the least he can do is compromise a teeny bit before he disappears for six months into the bush.

His friend is straight up like 'I want to leave' and Cam DOESN'T LET HIM, so he just sits there as their relationship implodes (again) before his eyes.

Cool and normal.

"I WAS JUST BEING POLITE"

Speaking of cool and normal, Alyssa and Duncan are on a boat.

Meaning if when they fight, she cannot escape.

Duncan asks whether she knew about her limited availability for a partner at the beginning of the experiment, and she says she did.

He reckons he should've known earlier that they would come out of this with a "part-time relationship", so asks why she didn't bring it up earlier.

"But why didn't you bring it up?" she counters.

He ONCE AGAIN explains — JUST LIKE ALESSANDRA DID YESTERDAY — that her defensiveness and escalation every time he tries to bring up his feelings means... he does not want to bring up his feelings.

Makes sense to me!

I actually reckon that's exactly what it means!

"Do you think we have an unhealthy relationship?" Alyssa asks.

Oh -

Uh...

Yes.

She says she's a very emotional person while he is very analytical, and IS HE REALLY? I feel like he's sufficiently emotional! But at the top of the episode she was annoyed with him for being upset that she was upset that he was upset!

Alyssa says she was prepared to talk about the future (again) and tell him she is falling for him, but instead she goes to sit at the other end of the boat.

It's the furthest she can go without yeeting herself into the harbour.

That feels like... a problem...

Duncan says he's trying so hard to figure out how Alyssa thinks but constantly ends up alone.

At least this time, it's with a glass of red on a fancy yacht.

If you simply must face the realisation that you're fake marriage is doomed, this is the place to do it

He says he has a lot to think about with the final vows just around the corner.

And in the nicest way possible... I don't think he does, actually.

See you tomorrow!

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here: 

• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: When you 'cheat' in the very first episode.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The groom who hates when women... speak.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A brother tries to sabotage his sister's wedding.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: CLAIRE IS A NATIONAL HERO.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SIR, YOU CANNOT JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two red flags walk into a dinner party.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: This is what GASLIGHTING looks like.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "I am not a f***ing disposable sex toy."
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two grooms make John Aiken VERY MAD.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WHO TOLD JOSH THIS WOULD BE FUN?
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Shannon just became public enemy #1.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Well, that was a clusterf***.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: John Aiken breaks his own rules. Twice.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A cheating scandal completely unravels.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: ADAM BETTER RUN.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Adam digs himself the deepest hole OF ALL TIME.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We're back to holding people against their will. 
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: JUST DATE YOUR FRIEND THEN, DAN.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SANDY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The most dramatic butt-dial OF ALL TIME.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The bride who genuinely despises her husband.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Melinda is SO DONE with Bronte and Harrison.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: YES, WE DO ALL THINK YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS FAKE.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THIS IS THE MOST INFURIATING PERSON TO EVER GRACE OUR TVS.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We will NEVER forgive Harrison for this.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Okay. Duncan is talking to... a brick wall.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: There is nothing we needed less than... this.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Surprise! No one here knows how to communicate.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: THIS IS BEYOND A JOKE NOW.

  Feature image: Channel Nine.