Don’t worry. This story will not include the intimate details of my, erm, intimate time.
I do, however, want to have a candid conversation about how much sex we’re all having, and whether scheduling sex (literally scheduling it in on a calendar) could help improve your sex life.
A few months ago, we did a poll in our office about how many times you should have sex if you’re in a relationship. The results were varied – some people said once a week, others said once a fortnight – but the most common answer was: three to four times per week.
Three to four times.
I have no idea if anyone else thought this number was a tad high, but the idea of having sex three to four times a week being the gold standard of love making shocked me a little because… I’m not measuring up.
Statistics from the Australian Study of Health and Relationship‘s most recent survey, the 2014 Sex in Australia Summary, found heterosexual couples in a committed relationship are having sex around 1.4 times a week (assuming the .4 is… oral sex?), down from 1.8, where it was in 2003. In an ideal world, people said that number would rise to between two and four times a week.
I’m one of the just under 30 per cent of Aussies who have sex less than once per week, most weeks. This has nothing to do with whether I want my partner or the quality of our sex, but the reality of our busy lifestyles. But are full-time work, individual hobbies, Netflix and being exhausted at the end of the work day good enough excuses not to be having more sex?
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We don’t have small children threatening to barge in on Mum and Dad at any moment, so I feel like these excused aren’t good enough, and sexologist and relationships expert Dr Nikki Goldstein agrees.
“I think couples tend to put sex down the bottom of the list of priorities, and it’s not that you become busy, being busy is one thing, but I think it just becomes less important,” Dr Goldstein told Mamamia.
“You need to place importance on sex, and sex should be an important part of your relationship. Really, it’s about getting back to that place where you’re having sex enough that you’re seeing the benefits for the relationship – feeling desired and connected – and finding that sweet spot of having sex as a part of your busy lifestyle.”