wellness

'I just discovered the friendship pie theory, and I'm convinced it's the key to happy adult friendships.'

We are living in the golden age of female friendship. Right? 

Or is that just what movies, Instagram, celebrities and influencers are having us believe? Just watch Sex and The City, The Bold Type, Bridesmaids or just check Instagram stories on a Saturday morning (#brunch). 

I don't blame you if you too have thought that having a solid female friendship group is the pinnacle of having 'made it'. I used to get envious of those girls who seem to have kept their close friends from high school until their 30s and 40s. They seem to be so happy, so supported and surrounded by a community of close-knit, like-minded women. 

Watch: Mamamia Confessions - Have you ever cheated on your work wife? Post continues after video. 


Video via Mamamia. 

I looked around my immediate network and felt like something was lacking. Despite having a 'normal' amount of friends, who I fiercely adored and cherished - they didn't mirror the sisterhoods I saw around me. 

This got me wondering if we place way too much pressure on ourselves and our friendships to look and act a certain way. We have far too many expectations of friendships that don't prepare us for the reality of adult life. 

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Even the concept of having a 'BFF' seems unattainable to me. It places too much emphasis on one relationship to be all-sustaining and given the sometimes transient nature of friendships, if it disintegrated - it could be worse than a breakup

Friendships ebb and flow in life, and I've found that if you put all your eggs in one basket, things can get hard. Why? Well, when lifestyle changes come into play, or external factors interfere, then the friendship can so easily be put under pressure.

Friendships, like other relationships, are not immune to things like jealousy, boredom or busyness, so it's unrealistic to think that friendships will always last a lifetime. And even thinking that they could, or should, can set us up for disappointment. 

So, how then, do we create and sustain fulfilling friendships?

I came across a TikTok this week that seemed to hint at a friendship framework that could be the answer to keeping the right people around you.

It's called, the 'friendship pie'. And what sounds like some sort of culinary compartmentalisation, could be the key to you being content with your group of gal pals. 

TikTok user Brittany Allyn explains that the key to being happy with friendships involves having a different friend for each 'slice'. 

She mentions that she has a 'fancy restaurant and life-talk friend', the 'yoga friend you meet for tea or coffee' the 'tequila-loving dance party friend' and the 'friend on the phone that has known you for 20 years'.

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If you fill your life with these different slices, you'll have the entire pie. That way, when you see a friend, you'll get to have different experiences. You're also not left disappointed or comparing your friends with each other. 


Makes sense, right? I realised that this is what I subconsciously do already. I don't purposely categorise my friends, but I feel like each one slides into my life based around a particular interest, hobby or personality trait. 

While this makes it sound like I could be using them for certain purposes, rest assured that the 'friendship pie' just means you're doing activities with your friend that you both enjoy. For example, you're not making your yoga friend come to a bottomless tequila dance party with you. Unless she wanted to, you feel me?

I can guarantee that my friends probably see me in this way too. As I don't drink, my friends don't usually invite me to bottomless brunches - and I'm thankful for that. They might ask me to check out a great new restaurant with them, or go for a walk with them, because that suits both of our lifestyles.

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When it comes down to it, it's about making sure that you're getting the most out of your friendships. You're not placing too much expectation on someone, only to be disappointed that they don't cater to all your needs and wants. They never signed up for that, so why should you expect them to tick every box?

Psst! Have a listen to this episode of The Undone, all about what to do when you low key hate your friend's partner. Post continues after podcast. 

For me, here's what some of my slices of my 'friendship pie' look like.

My high-school friend:

This is my longest friend. She's basically the historian of my life. I know that as soon as I see her or call her, we'll chat for hours and it will be like no time passed at all. She knows me inside and out and she's probably the closest reflection of my truest and best self. 

My wholesome activity buddy:

This was a friend I met in my twenties. We became super close really quickly because we had similar interests such as hiking, travelling and eating. I know that if there's an adventure I'm planning, she'll always be down for it, whether it's a road trip or a walk in the Blue Mountains. 

My work-wife:

This friend just gets me. She's the one I go to for a chat in the office, or a quick coffee catch-up mid-morning when I just need to rant. I see her the most out of all my friends, which breeds a sort of familiar comfort with each other. 

My sober friend:

In recent years, finding a sober friend has been integral to my success in the alcohol-free journey. They understand the difficulties and the hard days, but they're also the ones who'll sling back a few mocktails with you on a Saturday night and wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

Just like the TikTok said, if you fill your life with all these different slices, you'll have the entire pie. And I would much prefer to have a pie with all of these different tasty flavours, than just one. 

Do you subscribe to the 'Friendship Pie' method? Let us know in the comments!

Feature Image: Supplied.

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