'I sent a guy I was dating a performance review after he ghosted me. I’ve regretted it ever since.'

When I was 23, I was obsessed with dating.

I was newly single, had just moved out of my parent's house and was in a brand new fun and exciting job.

The issue with dating when I was 22, was that it was in 2019 which as we all know was the year of... ghosting.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. Ghosting had definitely been around for a while but this was the first time where we coined a term for it. The act of completely disappearing out of someone's life that you were in a relationship with or dated sounded absurd to me.

I read so many personal stories from women who had been ghosted yet the concept of ghosting still seemed so far away... until it happened to me.

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One of first guys I've ever formed a type of situationship with ghosted me. We had been dating for a few months and it had been great. Every woman knows the first situationship you ever get into always hurts the most.

It's the situationship after a breakup that makes you believe in love again, makes you see that this "dating thing" isn't so scary and makes you trust a person even though you told yourself that you would never trust anyone ever again.

This is exactly what I had with this guy.


I honestly believed that I'd one day share a child with this man who I'll call Adam (I've changed his name both for anonymity and also because I forgot what his actual name is).

My main form of communication with Adam was through texting. We would meet up once to twice a week but texted 24/7, leaving no more than a two-hour gap between replies (I know — super healthy habit).

Then one day, I stopped hearing from him altogether.

I woke up in the morning, checked my phone and I had no texts. I didn't think too much of it, he probably hadn't woken up yet.

Around lunch time — still nothing. This was the moment I felt that deep nauseating pain in the pit of my stomach. You know the one... where you know you're about to be heartbroken but you refuse to believe it.

I sent him a sort of 'just checking in' message and of course, I didn't get a response.

A few days passed and then a week passed and then it was a whole month of not hearing from Adam.

Although I didn't tell anyone about my ghosting, I still felt like I was the laughingstock.

Refusing to allow him to have the metaphorical last word, I decided to send him a performance review. I wanted to send him something that made me look hilarious, confident and powerful and it made perfect sense.

Like most young women about to send a risky message that could make or break their relationships, I first typed up the text into my notes app (which is why I still have it).

It read:

Rating: 9/10

Feedback: [Adam] shows promising ghosting abilities through his amazing setup and near to perfect execution. However, I do not think I’ll be using his services again. With that being said I would most definitely recommend him to anyone wanting to experience a great waste of time.


Kind regards,


Ever since I sent that message, I've regretted it.

At the time I told myself that sending that message would make me feel powerful, and that I was taking back the narrative and owning the situation, showing women around the world that being ghosted isn't their fault and we should make the people who ghost us feel ashamed.

I can now admit that the real reason for sending that message was to look cool and funny in front of my friends.

I sent that message to show them how chill I am with the entire situation and how wild (in a fun and interesting way) my dating life is.

Now, the joke has died and everyone has forgotten about the "crazy, wild, hilarious thing" I did, and I am left with the memory of sending a message that made me feel petty, frustrated and embarrassed.

A few months after I sent Adam my review, he replied...

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

I blocked his number.

Have you ever sent a dating performance review? Tell us in the comments section below.

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Supplied.

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