Last night, the finale of The Masked Singer aired, and it was confirmed that Robot was indeed Cody Simpson, a young man I’ve not personally had an awful lot to do with but now feel quite positively towards.

We learned Wolf was Rob Mills and Monster was Gorgi Coghlan andwe already knew so how come it was all still so exciting?

But today, there’s a problem.

You see, it’s like everyone expects us to just return to our normal lives, as though we didn’t just spend the last two months yelling “PAULINI” and “KATE CEBERANO” and “OH THAT’S BLOODY DENI HINES THAT IS” at the television screen.

But we did.

And. We’re. Not. Done. Yet.

Haha nah.

So, yes. It's time for the ultimate conspiracy theory. It involves Cody, and Millsy, and a touch of Osher's wife Audrey. But also Lindsay.

Ahem.

Let's start at the beginning.

The Masked Singer

Apparently the audience and the judges 'voted' but like a) on what basis and b) no they didn't.

Clearly,

the producers

Osher just decided who got eliminated every week, based on popularity etc.

Cody Simpson was always going to win because he was the most internationally famous, especially to theyoung, kewlbut alsohipviewers.

And it had everything to do with Lindsay Lohan

We just watched an entire season of aliens and spiders coming onto the stage and Lindsay guessing, "Kanye West?"

Sweetie, no.

Channel Ten already blew their budget. And it was most definitely on you.

"Elton is that you!!!!"

At one stage she guessed La Toya Jackson. I'm pretty sure Ed goddamn Sheeran came up.

Just to be clear, NO ONE is jumping on a plane from Glastonbury or Coachella to perform in front of Sir David Hughes as a f*cking Octopus.

It was like Lindsay was in a very bad dream with 12 obscure Australian 'celebrities' dressed as parrots but also dragons and someone needed to throw her a bone.

That bone was Robot. Lindsay thought she might know Robot. He sounded like her sister's ex-boyfriend. The blonde one. Who still owed her furniture. And spoke in that funny accent. Was he from Australia? Lindsay thought that maybe... yes.

"Omg we hate you!!"

Cody was the only person that Lindsay actually knew (he dated her sister Ali last year) and he also happened to win. And Osher was behind it.

Osher broke up a marriage

I know. It sounds like a jump.

But he f*cking did.

Cody Simpson is already a big name among the young people, sure, but Osher wanted more.

How could he ensure that the winner was particularly relevant at the time he he won the show? How could Osher makeworld headlines?

Easy.

End the marriage of Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus so then Miley Cyrus could be dating Cody Simpson at the time of the finale and maybe CODY COULD EVEN BRING MILEY TO THE FINALE and Osher could get a selfie with her idk idk.

And that he did.

Osher flew to Byron Bay (??) told Miley that Liamcannot be trusted,Miley believed him, had a short stint with Kaitlynn Carter (unsure if part of Osher's plan but irrelevant) and then landed with Cody just in time for the finale.

If it is Cody Simpson (and all signs point to yes) Channel 10 lucked out as he got a *lot* more famous just after he filmed #MaskedSingerAU thanks to now dating Miley Cyrus

— cameron adams (@cameron_adams) October 14, 2019

Channel 10 producers seeing the Cody Simpson/Miley Cyrus headlines daily and realising their robot is now a much bigger get than originally thought #MaskedSingerAU pic.twitter.com/aYtUJBngr5

— Nat Sinclair (@nat_sinclair93) October 14, 2019

#MaskedSingerAU if robot is cody simpson, this whole miley cody thing must be making channel 10 execs froth

— Lizzy (@lizzyyy128) October 15, 2019

The night before, the pair even did an Instagram Live video exploring their relationship, as per Osher's suggestion.

Just for context, Miley Cyrus has 100 million followers on Instagram.

"Osher lives with us now. He's ma boy."

No disrespect, but Rob Mills has 58,000 followers. Which is great. But not 100 million. Which is a much larger number.

Rob Mills was a decoy

Okay. Millsy being low key really hot when he danced in his wolf costume was used in order to distract us from Osher's cheating scandal.

Hahah I feel weird about it haha.

While we were watching him be weirdly sexy, Osher was in the background on the phone to his very pregnant wife Audrey, telling her to make Cody slip into Miley's DMs.

With the amount of work done, on top of hisBachelorandBacheloretteduties, there's no way Osher worked alone. He might be the most productive man in the country, but this was a feat even for him.

Ugh.

I'm so relieved to have all that finally off my chest.

Osher, I see you.

And you, sir, deserve a Logie for what you just managed to pull off.