reality tv

Just a definitive ranking of the thirstiest Bachelors.

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What’s that, I hear?

The slippery, slimy sound of saliva coalescing?

Great. That’s exactly what I like to hear as I take a mouthful of my dinner!

Yes, after seven years, Bachelor viewers will be well accustomed to some prime-time pashing. After all, Australia’s Bachies have been a thirsty bunch, and who could blame them? A reality television show premised on dating dozens of people simultaneously isn’t exactly an occasion for prudishness.

So as current Bach, Matt Agnew, explores his options, we decided to put together a rundown of the thirstiest seasons.

Missed the latest episode of The Bachelor? We’ve got you covered.

7. Tim Robards

Tim Robards, Australia’s first ever Bachelor, was our most reserved.

The then 30-year-old chiropractor kissed a mere three women out of the 24 who competed for his love. Among them, 26-year-old criminal lawyer, Anna Heinrich, whom he went on to choose in the finale and has since married.

Any thirstiness displayed by Mr. Robards was minuscule compared to our first producer-manufactured Stage Five Clinger, Ali Oetjen, who tried, but failed, to kiss Robards at the first cocktail party.

6. Nick ‘Honey Badger’ Cummins

This man dodges people as a profession. Image: Channel 10.

A man named Nick Cummins went on The Bachelor to allegedly find love.

The larrikin rugby union player - who literally dodges people as a profession - demonstrated just how good he is at his job while being the bachelor.

The Honey Badger was clearly on the show for the lols, but also to demonstrate his ability to say questionable things such "I'm sweatin' like a gypsy with a mortgage" at unexpected times.

Not much else.

He kissed some of the women, but turned down even more.

The Honey Badger wasn't thirsty. He was just hungry. For fame.

5. Matty J

Matty J enjoyed a smooch, or seven, with the women who vied for his love.


Although he kissed a number of them, he was nevertheless respectful in how he went about dating 24 girlfriends at once.

Remember that time Elora tried to kiss Matty J at one of the cocktail parties, only for him to turn her down?

He explained to a mortified Elora that he simply couldn't do it while the other women were just a room away.

It was then we knew, we love Matty J. (But I digress).

And whilst he certainly had his moments of needing a... sip (sorry), he often reserved his thirstiness for the woman he went on to choose, jewellery-designer Laura Byrne.

Exhibit A:

Matty J certainly enjoyed a smooch. Or seven. Image: Ten.

4. Sam Wood

Sam Wood is a deserving fourth place.

Overall, Sam Wood kissed six of the women who competed for his love, and he even set a Guinness World Record for the longest kiss whilst climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge with contestant Nina Rolleston.

Sam and Nina kissed for an official four minutes and 10 seconds. That's thirsty.

He also gave a new meaning to 'steamy spa date' thanks his infamous last meeting with runner-up, Lana Jeavons-Fellows.

Image: Channel 10.

3. Blake Garvey

Ah, ol' mate Blake. Bachelor's ultimate enigma. (Literally... where is he now?)

Garvey, our second bachelor, kissed seven of the women on his season and is the only Aussie bachelor to have proposed to his final woman, Sam Frost.

But his thirsty lips eventually lead him back to a contestant he had previously dumped, Louise Pillidge.

australian bachelors
Blake Garvey is our third thirstiest bachelor. Image: Ten.

2. Richie Strahan

One cold, otherwise unassuming Thursday night, Richie Strahan bathed with Alex Nation in a golden tub filled with 300 litres of melted milk chocolate.

It was quickly labelled "soft-core porn" by a nationwide audience.

Precisely no one was expecting the man, famous for sayings such as "cool bananas", to be so... saucy.

"We're so slippery," he laughed. Ha. NO.

You can relive the moment Richie Strahan and Alex Nation shared a chocolate bath. Post continues after video. 

To be honest I can't remember anything else from this season, but this scene alone places him firmly in second place.

Cool bananas.

1. Matt Agnew

australian bachelors
Matt Agnew is our thirstiest bachelor. Image: Ten.

Oh, how times have a-changed.

We started with Tim Robards who kissed three of the contestants, and we're finishing with Matt Agnew who has kissed 17, which is - let's see...multiply by 300, add five - nearly sixfold.

Yep, this year's bachelor has kissed more women than any before him.

Whether during the cocktail party or on a group date, this astrophysicist has no shame in flaunting his connections whilst his other girlfriends... observe.

But hey, he's searching for the woman of his dreams. No judgement here. We love our astrophysicist Matt.

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