'F**k being humble.' Why women should have more ego.

Humble is a word that's never been used to describe me. In fact, I remember distinctly my paternal grandmother telling me once that I could "benefit from a little more humility". I humbly declined.

Therefore, it may surprise no one that the word 'humble' doesn't feature in my vocabulary and I will also go as far as to say that I don't believe in being humble. In my humble opinion, being "modestly demuring" doesn't serve anyone, particularly women.

Watch: How to be a woman in 2023. Post continues after video.

Video via Mamamia.

In Australia, 'tall poppy syndrome' has long been a cultural stalwart and we as young girls, have been conditioned to not wax lyrical about our strengths and to 'humbly demure' when someone compliments us. Anyone foolish enough to visibly demonstrate a little spirit and then have the audacity to verbalise it will soon learn the error of their ways.

We've all likely heard any or all of the below: 

"No one likes a big noter."

"What a showoff."

"Don't get too big for your boots."

"You're so up yourself."

"Little girls are meant to be seen, not heard."

This cultural conditioning prevents us from truly owning our greatness and holds us back from acknowledging our successes and stepping into our power. And it's time it f*cking stopped. No more martyrdom, self-flagellation or praying for penance at the shrine of the patriarchy.


A healthy ego is a powerful and effective tool that can serve us in many ways – to be deployed in scenarios where it is useful and then returned to the tool kit when we're done. In fact, I truly believe it is the tool that can expedite our journey to embracing our "full force feminine power" and finally realising our full potential.

I'm not suggesting we enter into a state of delusion – where we become an arrogant caricature of ourselves, but merely lean into our feminine power, acknowledging that we have many strengths, that are teeming with talent and are a formidable force in our area of expertise.

In my not-so-humble opinion, ego has incredible merit and worth.

Ego enables us to advocate for ourselves, to not take no for an answer, to put our hand up for promotions and pay rises, and to simply ask for what we want and deserve.

Ego is a resilience muscle. The bigger it is, the more rejection we can withstand, and the less it impacts us when it inevitably does happen. It gives us the confidence to push back, to question, and to not give up.

I'd be nowhere without my ego. I've started multiple businesses, even though many have failed. Without my ego, I likely would have given up after the first one.

Ego facilitates a zero f**ks attitude. It naturally lessens the weight of others' opinions and so mine is now the only one I keep.


Ego has enabled me to ask for four-day work weeks, promotions and pay rises. If I've wanted it, I've asked the question.

Ego has opened many doors for me that would have otherwise remained firmly closed. 

This might feel a little confronting for some. Have more ego? The gall! The audacity! I could never!

To that I would counter with: how well has martyrdom served the saintly? 

I rest my case.

Now the million dollar question is, how does one have more ego? I'm so glad you asked.

1. Start a compliments journal.

The purpose of this isn’t to leverage yourself into a state of delusion but to awaken you to how often you receive and unconsciously deflect them. We self-deprecate in the face of a compliment and this practice of recording them not only makes you aware of them but it teaches you to simply honour yourself and the person who gave it by saying "thank you, I appreciate that". Then make haste to record that sucker in your journal and proceed to review it ad nauseum. 

Side note: I bought a $5 lined notebook from Kmart for mine. I chose yellow as, to me, it represents happiness – and there is no better feeling for someone whose love language is words of affirmation than receiving a little adulation. Keep 'em coming I say. 

2. Start asking for things you want.

The worst that can happen is you receive a 'no'. It won’t hurt you. In fact, get a few and it takes the edge right off – and often the biggest takeaway of the exercise is realising your true value, acknowledging it and asking to be rewarded for it. Also, don’t take the rebuff personally. Every scenario is neutral until we assign a meaning to it. Rather than being considered a rejection, it can simply become an opportunity for redirection.


3. Practice gratitude.

When I go to sleep at night, I list three things that went well for me that day and then I set three positive intentions for the next day. This simple act is a consistent reminder of what is going well and helps to counteract the negative inner dialogue that can sometimes rear its ugly head.

Listen to Fill My Cup, where Allira shares some gratitude practices that'll actually lift your mood, without feeling like a wanker. Post continues below.

4. Catch + reframe.

If something doesn't go your way, don't allow yourself to spiral. Catch the story early before it takes hold. Reframe it so there's a learning, a positive or key takeaway that is of use to you. There's no point expending energy on feeding a false and negative narrative. Reframe the situation and get on with your day.

5. Champion yourself.

If you're good at something, wholeheartedly own it. Tell people. Be your own biggest advocate. If you've done well, be the first to congratulate yourself or tell someone about it. If you own it, others will accept it. Don't hesitate, don't waver and don't self-deprecate.

6. Make a list of what you are good at.

In leading by example, I'll go first. I am very organised. I am intelligent. I'm good with words (both spoken and written). I'm a quick learner, I think I'm hilarious and I believe myself to be quite the stylish individual. Yeah! Go me! Now it's your turn. Make a list. Add to it regularly. Work that ego muscle, get those 'gainz'.

I will leave you with three little words: F**k being humble.

Feature Image: Getty/Mamamia.

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