It's the single most uncomfortable celebrity encounter I have ever witnessed.
You see, when people think of 59-year-old actor Tom Cruise, a few vivid, haunting flashbacks come to mind.
The 60 Minutes Australia interview where he got mad at journalist and national hero, Peter Overton.
That time he had very strong opinions about Brooke Shields' postnatal depression and how she chose to treat it.
The Oprah interview where he not only performed a weird couch jump TWICE that he had clearly rehearsed, but then went backstage and manhandled Katie Holmes onto the set, before kissing her passionately in a position that was far too close to the studio audience.
But I have a theory. And it's absurdly important.
Almost all our cringeworthy memories of Tom Cruise took place within a four week period in 2005. And I'm fairly certain I know why. But let's start at the beginning.
"All new, and exclusive..." comes the soothing voice of Oprah Winfrey, catapulting me back to those hours spent watching daytime TV when I'd chucked a sickie from school. Her voice alone evokes the taste of a silly amount of Weetbix.
"...Tom Cruise like I've never seen him."
Yes, well. That's putting it kindly.
A montage shows Cruise announcing to a screaming audience, "I'm in love," and jumping on Oprah's couch like an excited toddler who's learnt a new trick.
And then we begin. The audience yells hysterically and honestly, I get it. All I wanted in 2005 was to sit in the studio audience of Oprah (or Dr Phil, or to a slightly lesser extent, Jerry Springer). Add to that the starpower of Tom Cruise and you have grown women crying.
Cruise is wearing a black skivvy and black pants, a true drama student who needs to be prepared to participate in a theatre game at any point.
He takes too long to sit down.