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Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: A favourite is shown the f*ckin' door.

Oh.

Plot twist.

We open on Ali driving to the Bachelor mansion to talk to Robert.

Robert is sorry about that time he was accidentally possessed by the spirit of a motivational speaker and he would very much like this 1000-year curse to be lifted.

Osher comes running over with a sage smudge stick and they do a quick exorcism.

the bachelorette recap
"YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE."

BUT WAIT.

Robert and Ali go inside the mansion to tell the boiz about that time they exorcised a demon from his body. But then Robert says before said exorcism he had PACKED HIS BAGS READY TO GO.

This be news to Ali. She realises that maybe the exorcism didn't work and tells Osher. He rushes out to the nearest Tree Of Life to stock up on the smudge sticks.

NO.

We unpack Ali's latest week in the mansion on our Bach Chat podcast. Post continues after audio...

It's group date time and Osher has crossed the goddamn line.

He's organised for the boiz to star in their very own music video ONE WEEK after Ivan left the goddamn mansion.

He was so bloody close to becoming a shit Channing Tatum and now he'll never get to follow his dance dreams.

the bachelorette recap
IT AIN'T FAIR.
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A man named Daniel says he's shittin' himself and sweetie no, that shouldn't be the first thing you ever say on this show.

Paddy says he's a mixture of Channing Tatum and Jesus and true.

the bachelorette recap
"BROWN HAIR... BROWN BEARD"

In the first scene Ali, Robert, Charlie and Paddy dress up as high schoolers and do a shit Britney Spears impersonation.

Charlie realises that despite yellin' and pointin' at the door at all times, Ali is yet to fall in love with him. He decides he must be doing some dad dancing to get her attention.

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the bachelorette recap
"It's embarrassing for all of us."

Suddenly we're in a diner and we have a new front runner pls.

His name is Todd and he's spent the last three weeks deeply regretting that time he turned up on the red carpet dressed as a knight.

the bachelorette recap
"I LIKE IT A LOT."
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Oh no.

Now we're in a jungle and Daniel be molesting a crocodile.

the bachelorette recapthe bachelorette recapthe bachelorette recap
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There be moaning and grunting and also heaving breathing.

After Daniel lets his date return to the lagoon to feed on the babies of large marsupials, Osher gives them a brief lecture on consent and also how to tell the difference between humans and reptiles.

They watch the video they just created and say it's "sooooo good" and no sirs and m'am it is not.

Ali feels sorry for Daniel because he accidentally sexually assaulted a crocodile, so she chooses him for the alone time.

They sit down on a couch and it becomes immediately clear that Daniel has never spoken to a human woman before.

Ali tries to speak to him about sulphates and feelings and also thoughts, but Daniel needs to tell her about his... sweaty sisters. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

He then starts to wonder whether his girlfriend is cheating on him in the swamp.

the bachelorette recap
"She's scaly but also... soft."
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Despite being in direct competition with a reptile, Ali gives Daniel a rose. He says he can't wait to tell his sweaty sisters and also his girlfriend when she's finished feeding on a family of possums.

Ali takes Todd on a single date because of his face... and also his hair.

They design their outfits for the cocktail party that night which seems... unnecessary.

Ali gives Todd's face and also his hair a rose.

It's cocktail party time.

Todd returns with the rose which reminds Charlie that he best be pointin' at the f*ckin' door.

He says that this is Ali's last chance to find love and she needs to be choosing a top dog and stop spreadin' her basket around.

Charlie then decides he needs to tell Ali about the top dog and also the basket.

the bachelorette recap robert charlie
"IT AIN'T THAT HARD."

She seems confused by his mixed metaphors and would just like to be left alone to think about Todd's face... and also his hair.

Sssssh.

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It's rose ceremony time.

Osher rushes in to tell Ali that Tree Of Life has ran out of sage smudge sticks but he picked up some Nag Champa just in case.

Realising that Robert is probably still possessed and that the spirit is also trying to take hold of Charlie's body, Ali decides to send Robert home.

the bachelorette recap robert
"THIS HOUSE WAS BUILT ON AN ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND, YA KNOW."

Osher lights a stick of Nag Champa and quickly ushers Robert out to the limo.

In the background, Daniel quietly spoons a large reptile.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

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Catch up on the recaps here: 

Episode 1: Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: A kiss leaves the men fuming. 

Episode 2: Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: One man breaks the bro code.

Episode 3Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: A tug-of-war sparks an epic feud between two men.

Episode 4: Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: One man brings up “the stairs” and is shown the door.

Episode 5Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: Two men face off in a double date decider.

Episode 6: Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: We need to talk about Robert.

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