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Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: A kiss leaves the men fuming.

GUYS NO.

Despite all of us claiming we would never again get sucked into a franchise that promised us a happy ending and then gave us two HOOROOS in ONE EPISODE… we’re back here again. 

Ali is walking very slowly on a beach because everyone knows your walking pace has a direct correlation to how many times you’ve had your heart broken on national TV.

She’s reflecting on her past at sunset because that’s the only time you can do such things.

Now she’s crying in front of some stairs and this feels… planned.

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"We promised her we wouldn't do this."

Sssssshhhh.

It's Osher.

Despite recently being let down by a small member of the weasel family, he's very excited.

He may have peed his pants a lil and changed into his second best suit but that's OK.

He's also a bit concerned that Ali might be stalking him.

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It's getting... weird.
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Osher spent hours trawling through Instagram and now we have approximately 18 men called Daniel to meet.

Here are the MVPs.

Charlie. Looks like Sasha Mielczarek and/or Luke McLeod. Bought Ali a journal which definitely wasn't his idea.

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"I don't even read."

Robert. A plumber. Brought sauce and suggested they "make sausages together" one day and we'd like that very much.

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We're very similar.
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Ivan. Very tall. Did a dance and then just... walked away.

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"The cameras are not that big."

Jitters. A giant bear who definitely won't talk about Ali to the tabloids.

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"Grrrr."
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Bill. Was born David apparently. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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"IT'S VERY CONFUSING TO ME."

Honey Badger's cousin... the Black-Footed Ferret. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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¯_(ツ)_/¯

Paddy. Plays football. May not have interacted with another human before.

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"I'VE WRITTEN A POEM ABOUT IT."
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Can't remember. Clown music.

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"Can we... can we turn this thing around orrrr..."

Ali continues to be surprised every time a man walk downs the red carpet and introduces himself to her. She seems... concerned... that she's not able to run after them and pin them down.

BUT PAUSE.

It's cocktail party time.

Paddy enters and he tells the boiz he kissed Ali on the lips.

Sweetie no.

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That's not an accurate portrayal of what just happened.

We unpack everything from Ali's latest week in the mansion on our Bach Chat podcast. Post continues after audio. 

The boiz start talking about how they'd like to take Ali home to meet their mother but WAIT Paddy has something else he would like to sa-

"BLONDE HAIR... BLUE EYES... FIT AS F**K," he yells at no one in particular.

Cool.

Angel music starts playing and Osher descends from the ceiling dressed as a baby angel and playing a harp.

He has a new "wild rose" and he would very much like to tell the boiz about it.

The "wild rose" he explains is like a "wild card" but in rose form. The rose allows the rose bearer to swap themselves into a single date AT ANY POINT DURING THE SEASON.

Someone says "shivers" which seems... unnecessary.

The boiz suddenly remember that 90 per cent of their job is to talk about the "bro code" so they all start to mention it at once.

Ali enters and the boiz are torn between clapping for her and also clapping for baby Osher playing the harp.

BUT WAIT.

It's time for some manufactured drama.

One man named Nathan ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ starts having a chat with Ali. Then Paddy decides he'd very much like to have a chat too because he's a villain who also PLAYS SOCCER AND LIVED IN THE UK ONCE.

Nathan tells Honey Badger's cousin he "doesn't rate him" and some guy we've never seen before decides he best be telling Paddy that.

Paddy be "fuming" and decides to confront Nathan while all the other boiz stand around chanting "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" and this suddenly feels like a pub in Dubbo on a Tuesday night.

There be pushing... and shoving... and some of the Daniels have to get in the middle to break it up.

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FIGHT.
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Jesus.

Paddy then realises he's not going to get his fight so he starts walking around yelling out "BLONDE HAIR" and "FIT AS F**K" again.

Damien tries to explain to him that it's not a pub in Dubbo on a Tuesday night and Paddy seems... confused.

The very tall man then decides it's the perfect time to form a dance "crew" to perform a dance for Ali... with no music.

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NOPE.

Bill/David gets the wild rose and then Ali... leans in for a kiss.... and then another... and another.

Osher ascends back into the ceiling with his harp satisfied that things are on the right path.

IT'S TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY and goodness she only has 15 roses however will she decide?

Two random blokes including Honey Badger's cousin get sent home and that seems... fair. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT. 

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