SEX DIARIES: 'I still get myself off while watching a sex tape I made with my ex.'

It's still there. Way back at the start of my camera roll. 

Wedged in between a trip to Transylvania with my mum and a weekend in Oslo with my best friend. 

Video 6 of 1,761. 

The date stamp at the top firmly reminds me of just how long it’s been. 

December 1, 2019.


Watch: How to have better sex. Post continues below.

Video via Mamamia.

It opens in a dark hotel room in France. I’m lying on my back in a king sized bed wearing black lace lingerie.

A bra, suspender and stockings. 

No panties. 

They would just get in the way. 

A nervous giggle escapes me as the camera crosses the room. 

Alex has the lens pointed down, shooting me from above.

Climbing onto the bed, he kneels in front of my face. 

"I want you to suck my c**k," he orders.

I push myself off the sheets and take him in my mouth. Slow at first.

The camera moves around my head as Alex switches hands for a better view. 

With the iPhone in my face, my eyes look upwards. Batting my lashes, I go deeper. 

Alex’s breathing gets heavier as he puts his right hand on the back of my head, pushing me onto his penis. 

In and out he guides me, quickening my pace. 

"Take that c**k nice and deep," he urges.

I pull back to tease him, my tongue twirling around his tip. As I wrap my fingers around him, my mouth heads further south to suck on his balls. 

It then becomes clear he’s now using his free hand on me. 

The sound of his fingers working my wet vagina grows louder as I struggle to focus on him. The pleasure is almost too much to bear. I let out a groan. 

Suddenly, Alex tears himself away and steps back from the bed to set the camera down on a side table. It’s parallel to the mattress, and my half naked body takes up the frame. 

As Alex walks into the shot, his rippling back muscles and biceps fill the screen. 


I spread my legs in anticipation. 

Climbing onto the bed, he gently nudges my knees apart even further and positions himself in between him. 

Leaning over me, I get a brief shot of his erection before he slowly pushes himself inside me. 

And it looks just like the movies. 

Holding himself above me with those big arms that make me melt, Alex’s toned ass bounces up and down, clenching and unclenching. 

Wrapping my legs around him, I draw him in, wincing as he gets deeper. 

We’d been dating six weeks by this point and I still wasn’t used to how big he got. 

"Oh god," I whisper, before my breathing accelerates, the pleasure taking over.

"Oh, fuck!"

As if on cue, Alex starts working faster and faster and the bed begins to loudly squeak. My moaning matches his tempo and I’m starting to climax when suddenly he slows down. 

All you can hear is him kissing my neck.

At once Alex gets off and quickly pushes me onto my side. Spooning me now, he grabs my hip tightly, and thrusts back into me. 

Sliding his hand around my waist, he trails it down my suspender, then up to my bra. Squeezing my boobs, he begins to drive in faster, pounding into me from behind. 

By this point, our voices are muffled, and I strain to hear what’s being said.

"I’m going to play with myself so hard watching this later."

"You need stretching out."

"Pin me down now."

With that he pushes me onto my stomach and rolls on top of me. Grabbing my arms above my head, I’m under his control as he slams into me. 

Now this is my favourite part. 

Sitting back onto his heels, Alex pulls my hips up into doggy position. He’s directly side on to the camera, and his silhouetted penis stands out in the shallow light. He holds himself in his hand, before slowly inserting himself into me.

With both hands on my hips, he starts to thrust in and out, getting harder and quicker. Pausing to grab my hair, he wraps his hand around my strands and uses it to hold on. 

Pulling it tighter he draws me up so my back is towards him. Turning my face towards his, I reach my hand up to his neck as he leans down to kiss me, snaking his arm around my shoulders to pull me in close.

Gently he begins to move back and forward again, our kiss intensifying as his tongue goes deeper, sucking me in. 

It’s passionate and almost carnal, as his hands grip my body. 

Then, after exactly 10 minutes and 40 seconds, the screen goes black, the camera dies, and the rest is just a memory.

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Feature Image: Getty.