There's a reason why you feel sad in happy situations. It's called 'Perfect Moment Syndrome'.

Have you ever felt like an exciting moment in your life hasn't quite met your expectations?

Or have you ever found that a milestone birthday, an expensive overseas holiday, or perhaps a romantic dinner - which was all supposed to be some of the most exciting moments of your life - wasn't, in actuality, all that exciting and in reality, super disappointing?

Well, as it turns out, there's a reason why and you're not actually alone in feeling that way. 

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Whatever lofty expectations we have for our lives can be explained by 'Perfect Moment Syndrome', according to best-selling author of First, We Make The Beast Beautiful, Sarah Wilson.

In her book, she wrote about the term she coined, describing it as an affliction for those who "think life should operate in a certain way and to certain ratios: that birthdays are always happy, that a week in Thailand is meant to be relaxing, that a long-awaited date with your partner at a special restaurant will bring you closer together."

@youloveandyoulearn do you experience perfect moment syndrome? how does that impact the experiences you have? what might it be like to shift from “this is how it *should be*” to “let’s see how this goes” without judging the outcome? #relationshipanxiety #perfectionist #perfectionism ♬ original sound - Sarah | Relationship Anxiety

Sometimes, these moments don't bring you either the joy or the elation that you expect them to. Instead, they may leave you feeling bitterly disappointed.

It's what happens when our expectations are too high, says Dr Katherine Iscoe.

"Our brain has an amazing capacity to predict outcomes based on past experiences, learned knowledge, and societal norms," she tells Mamamia. 

"When we anticipate a certain event (like having a great meal at a restaurant and expecting it to ALWAYS be that good) our brain starts constructing an image or a scenario of how that event will unfold."

Dr Iscoe says this feeling can also be caused by "an urge" or a powerful, obsessive desire that makes it hard for us to think about anything else. 

"It's like when you see a pair of heels you are in love with and then you think about them all the time," she adds. "When we anticipate a rewarding experience, our brain releases dopamine. This release isn’t just tied to the reward itself but also to the expectation of it. In other words, the mere anticipation of something good can realise dopamine just by thinking of it (think of it like drooling when you think about chocolate)."

But when the event takes place - like the exciting birthday party or romantic dinner you were counting down the days for - it disappoints us and that's because of our perceived expectations and our urge for it.

"If reality surpasses our expectations, the actual dopamine release can be higher than the initial anticipatory release. This makes us feel ecstatic or extremely satisfied," she explains. "But if reality falls short, the dopamine released during the event is less than what our brain prepared us for. This results in feelings of disappointment."

Dr Iscoe says Perfect Moment Syndrome is rooted in our brain's "predictive and reward mechanisms."

"Our feelings during an event are not just about the event itself but also about how it measures up to our expectations during the anticipation phase. This intricate dance between expectation and the actual event outcome is heavily based on our dopaminergic system."

Below, she shares three ways to deal with disappointment so our experience with Perfect Moment Syndrome can become a thing of the past: 

1. Knowledge is power. 

Dr Iscoe says that it's important to remember that our disappointment for a situation not panning out the way we thought it would, is by "knowing that this is a normal physiological response. It takes some of the sting out of it."

2. Manage your expectations.

"While it's natural to anticipate, having overly idealised or unrealistic expectations can set us up for bigger negative deltas," says Dr Iscoe.

"This is especially true if you compare yourself to the insta-perfect highlight reel experiences of those you follow on socials. When you see someone having 'the best time of their life', take it with a grain of salt."

3. Take a dopamine detox. 

"We live in a world where our brains have never, ever experienced such non-stop access to pleasure," she notes. "We need to balance this out with some more 'pain'. And no, this is not being #grateful, but understanding that we need to 'reset' our baseline to healthy levels of pleasure by removing (or ripping) the dopamine IV out of our arm."

Dr Iscoe reminds us that going back to the basics, or "going old school" isn't actually a bad thing. In fact, it will help us to reset our expectations of situations and experiences in the long haul. 

So make your life an experience, for sure. But take your time to appreciate the subtlety in waiting things out, remembering our lives are not meant to be perfect and disengaging when needed. 

Dr Katherine Iscoe is a keynote speaker, author, board member, former CEO of a dual-listed public company, academic mentor and summa cum laude graduate with multiple scholarships and awards.

Feature Image: Getty.