This post discusses abusive relationships and may be triggering for some readers.
A few years ago, I experienced one of the lowest points in my life. I found myself in the devaluation stage of a relationship with a narcissist and realised I was being emotionally abused. Also, I had just relocated to another country and was completely alone.
Before then, I didn’t even know narcissists existed.
Watch: We share our relationship deal breakers. Post continues below.
In case you are not familiar with the term devaluation, it is the relationship stage during which a narcissist starts taking you for granted and being abusive, out of the blue.
You literally watch the person you love losing interest in you and abusing you emotionally.
It’s the period coming right after the love-bombing phase - that is, when they shower you with attention, make you believe that you two are soul mates, and everything is too good to be true.
After the devaluation phase usually comes the discarding phase, when they abruptly leave you.
Back then, I wasn’t aware of what was going on, but I could feel things weren’t right. My gut was screaming that something in that relationship was completely wrong.
He was trying to make me feel insecure and often gave me the silent treatment for no apparent reason. He knew my triggers and used them against me on purpose.
At that point, it became clear to me that he was psychologically abusing me.
The nights spent on Google looking for answers.
I started spending my nights searching on Google things like "signs you are in an abusive relationship" or "signs you are being emotionally abused."
I was desperately looking for answers on blogs and forums.
I wanted someone to confirm that I was not the problem, and I needed to know that he was the issue in the relationship, not me.