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Tori and Jack discuss how much Tori's bestie Lea liked him.
(She did not like him at all.)
And uh oh! Ben is still missing!
Oh, man. He's finally returned.
He says the time apart has helped him, precisely 30 seconds after Ellie tells us in a piece-to-camera that the time apart has literally not helped her at all.
He says all the right things and they hug it out.
Ugh.
Elsewhere, Sara and Tim have found their relationship groove, and are also fulfilling their branded content obligations with the most on-the-nose ride-hailing ad on television.
What better way to keep things heading on the right track than by meeting up with Tim's best man Ben — you know, the guy who gave the most stomach-churning, gross, and sexist speech in MAFS history! — to continue the Friends and Family week fun.
He's about to f*** his best friend's relationship up and it's put a real pep in his step
Straight away, Ben starts joking about Tim counting down the days till he can escape her and does this man actually hate Tim? Why is he like this? That is not being a good friend!
Anyway, both Sara and her friend think Ben is a man-child and their unimpressed expressions save an otherwise torturous scene.
Eventually, Tim speaks up and tells Ben to stop being a loser, then shares all the things he really likes about Sara.
Ben is receptive enough to it all that he is allowed one (or two) final jokes about needing to relax, which I have to admit... does make me laugh. Just a tiny bit!
Back in their apartment, Lucinda Light and Timothy are recapping their odd but rather fruitful lunch with family and friends.
Lucinda asks what Timothy and her dad spoke about. We all know it involved Father Light encouraging Timothy to sleep with his daughter, even if it is just a one-night stand.
Timothy simply describes it as being told to "make more of an effort".
"I'm definitely not leaving anything out, nope"
OH F*** YEAH THE PHOTO RANKING TASK IS BACK.
Unfortunately, it is Jade and Ridge taking part in it. And they complete it correctly, with each other on top, causing no avoidable yet entertaining drama.
Although, Jade does rank Jack second. Which should be a jailable offence at this point.
Meanwhile, Michael and Stephen have been given the confession letter task and Stephen wants to share that the reason he is so guarded is that when he was younger, his father cheated on his mother.
And he no longer has any relationship with his dad.
He can barely make it a couple of words through the letter before crying and I know this is a TV show but MICHAEL COULD PROBABLY JUST READ IT HIMSELF SO THIS POOR GUY CAN STOP STRUGGLING TO SPEAK.
He makes it through, Michael is supportive, and they hug it out.
Lovely.
We also watch Tim and Sara cuddle... after, uh, having adult cuddles again. Good for them!
Timothy has moved back in with Lucinda Light. Well, he and his 80 pairs of sneakers (?!) have moved into a separate room. But still, it's progress.
Wait.
Not only does Timothy have 80 pairs of sneakers, but he also appears to have... this:
The goodest girl!
Need I remind you that he also had a Dobby the house-elf mask a couple of weeks ago?! What is going on with his freaky mask collection?! We need an urgent investigation.
The two new couples — sigh, RIP to Mash and their ghost friends — continue to breeze through their crash courses. Ridge does not have Tinder installed on his phone, and Michael and Stephen both want someone with a healthy lifestyle.
Congrats, etc.
WHERE IS CASSANDRA'S ICONIC FATHER.
They're really making us wait for the world's most wonderful man to return.
First, we are subjected to Ben and NO NO NO NO NO HE HAS WRITTEN ELLIE A SONG.
He starts singing about his "f***ed up behaviours" and on one hand, yes! And on the other hand, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!
This has to be trolling. It simply must be a ruse to get himself on screen during a non-commitment ceremony episode. He cannot be singing this in earnest.
It's horrendous but also endlessly funny. The narrator even introduces him as "singer-songwriter Ben".
He shows his lyrics to Ellie and she starts to cry.
Not even in the 'omfg how did I get here with this man' existential crisis way that I would be crying.
SHE??? LIKES??? IT???
He unfortunately cannot sing it for her, however, as he does not remember the melody.
I got to give it to him, this is so absurd that it makes great television
FINALLY. IT IS CASS' DAD MODDY'S TIME TO SHINE AGAIN.
After assessing his daughter and Tristan's body language, he launches with "how is your sex life?"
Tristan's mother is highly unprepared for this.
Her head whipped around so fast I think she hurt her neck
They learn there... is... no sex life.
Both Tristan's mum and Moddy reassure Tristan that he is great, and remind them both that good things take time. And it seems to give them each a bit of extra spark.
I am once again proclaiming Moddy for PM!
A landslide victory
Oh. Remember Andrea and Richard? It's been 84 years since we last saw them.
They just had their first fight, perfectly timed for when their family and friends arrive, which is a very handy reality TV coincidence, isn't it!?
Richard's daughter Roxy and Andrea's friend Kate-Marie arrive and quickly get caught up: Andrea and Richard were going strong until Richard was explicit about their sex lives in front of the whole group and Andrea got the ick.
Roxy has to listen to how her dad said things like "sucked and f***ed" and I think if that was me I would simply have to crawl into a ball and rock myself back and forth in the corner.
Kate-Marie explains how Andrea's baggage has impacted them, they all say lovely things about each other and their lunch ends with a light roast of Andrea's kookiness.
Mind you, this was Richard a few weeks ago:
Pot, meet kettle
Family and Friends week is drawing to a close and it has finally revealed an important truth: not only does Timothy have 80 pairs of sneakers and at least two strange masks, but he also has a significant collection of half-price Tupperware.
Cool.
While everyone else heads to bed with smiles, Ellie is telling Ben to leave their apartment.
Oh no! Did he finally remember the song's melody? Did she hate it?
A producer asks him what happened and he says that unfortunately, they've missed hours of footage that could have garnered him some more screen time.
Ellie explains that after reading her his terrible lyrics, he sat her down for a two-and-a-half-hour chat about all the reasons she sucks.
But Ellie is not the one who sucks.
Ben says he expected her to get emotional. Because she's a woman, remember? And hysterical women always overreact to being ranted at about all their faults for hours!
OOOH.
Ellie took notes.
Ben doesn't like:
It's all completely absurd and irrational — well, besides the Gold Coast thing.
Ben says the timing of this is horrendous because he hasn't had dinner. Perhaps he could've used his time more wisely? Maybe chop 30 minutes off his horrendously sexist rant to cook some chicken? But that might just be my lady hormones talking.
Ellie declares that she'd rather be single than spend another night with him (except for at the dinner party, of course), which he probably thinks is because she's PMSing.
See you tomorrow.
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Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.
Feature image: Nine.
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