Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: We will not be listening to this man's podcast.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

The first six fake-married couples are on their honeymoons and enjoying various levels of intimacy.

Some of them are cuddling, some of them are sharing bathtubs and some of them, ok mostly especially Lucinda Light, are shucking oysters like there's no tomorrow.

Cass and Tristan, our incredibly wholesome pair, are going from strength to strength with pastries and enthusiastic verbal consent. 

And in Vanuatu, Jack and Tori have been pashing in pools and Tori's feeling very confident in their connection.

Which is why a little box of chaos has just been placed in front of her.

Let's gooooo

"It contains a set of direct and targeted questions," John Aiken explains, "with its purpose to speed up our newlyweds getting to know each other and also cause explosive drama that the rest of us can live tweet about."

Tori says that Jack fits her type to a T and she couldn't be happier with her match. He thinks she answered imma-immac-immaculately.

Then Jack must answer whether he is sexually attracted to her.

"I wasn't going like, 'goddamn I want to get this girl in bed'," he says. He talks a lot about needing time and not having sex on his mind, even though he told the experts he doesn't really need time and is... very sexual.

It's truly just a lot to unpack. At least he didn't mention ice-cream and a microwave again? Small mercies.

Also Not Sleeping Together, in case there was any doubt, are Collins and Natalie.

BUT ALSO WHO CARES BECAUSE LUCINDA LIGHT HAS ORGANISED A LIFE DRAWING CLASS.

Timothy has a cool and normal time with it.

The man was too stunned to speak

Tonight's bride is Ellie, a nurse whose ex-fiancé called off their wedding three months out. Now she's ready to start over.

She's been matched with travel guide Ben. He's spent years of his life travelling and recently lost his best friend to brain cancer, which has caused him to reassess his priorities and want to settle down. Allegedly.

We also meet Ellie's "straight-talking", "protective" cousin Jordan because obviously this episode's drama-meter was running a little low. 

How exciting!

The face of a man who has 50 producer-approved controversial questions swirling around in his brain

Ellie and Ben click immediately, and all of their friends and family remark about how well they seem to be getting along. Except Jordan, who suspects the intentions of a man on MAFS.

Is he judging someone he does not know? Yes, he is. Are there 10 seasons worth of precedent that justifies him doing so? There sure is.

"I do some tour guiding, and doing my podcast sort of as a hobby," Ben admits.

ALERT!

ALERT!

WE FINALLY HAVE A PODCASTER. 

Raise 'em up

"Oh, you have a-," Jordan replies. "You have a podcast."

It is a perfectly delivered line, filled with snark and judgement, wrapped in a neat little bow. But just as quickly as he put it on, Jordan rips the bow off, throws it to the ground and steps on it: "Why are you here?" he asks.

Ben, who was allegedly previously cast as The Bachelor before being cut, just wants to find love, of course.

Oh and that too

As the rest of their wedding guests slander all tour guides, Jordan pulls Ben aside for a one-on-one conversation grilling.

He asks how long Ben has wanted to do Married At First Sight.

Ben responds:

He nearly made it on the show in 2021 and has also 'been contacted' by Osher for other unnamed dating shows.

Jordan's straight up like "you're just here for fame" and Ben says that fame would be a "silver lining" but love would also be, shrug, nice I guess?

It's audacious but may also make him the most honest man on our televisions.

The conversation, unsurprisingly, does absolutely nothing to quell Jordan's concerns, so he appoints himself leader of the anti-Ben movement.

He also introduces a speech from "our lovely groom Ben". The scathing sarcasm is a true thing of beauty.

"I know what you're thinking, 'what does Ben do? Is he here for the right reasons? Why is he still single?'" Ben, in third person, tells their guests.

It's not suspicious at all.

All of his answers boil down to "why not?"

Profound stuff.

Jordan is a professional hater and I respect it

In the Whitsundays, Jordan is proposing to Eden and you're a bit late, darl!

She opens up about the trust issues she has after her last boyfriend and her lifelong best friend did her dirty.

It goes very well.

Which means we're about ready for something to not go well.

Enter: Lucinda Light, Timothy and that pesky lil box.

The b*tch is back

Lucinda Light is very excited and Timothy looks like he'd rather sh*t in his hands and clap than talk about feelings.

It begins in a typically iconic Lucinda Light way.

We learn that she hosts tantric sex festivals and would be adventurous "according to most". She also orders peppermint choc chip ice-cream.

In contrast, Timothy likes vanilla milkshakes.

Lucinda Light immediately answers "yes" to whether she feels sexual chemistry with him.

"A couple of times, I've had some activation here," her hands... hover, "with a lovely kiss that we've had."

Timothy is less sure and also less descriptive:

"It's not that I don't... it's just not there. Yet."

He feels bad about revealing this to her, but Lucinda Light's relentless positivity is understanding of his feelings and appreciative of his honesty.

Yes they are, box!!!!! Thanks!!!!!!

Oh.

Things have taken a sad turn.

This is all because Timothy doesn't feel good enough for her, thinks she can do better and almost pities her for being matched with him.

He once again says he joined the show after realising he had no one to call when his dad died, Lucinda cries with empathy and I HAVE SO MUCH COMPASSION FOR HIM IN THIS MOMENT BUT I ALSO JUST REALLY THINK PEOPLE SO DEEP IN GRIEF SHOULD BE ANYWHERE ELSE BUT HERE!!!!!!!!!

This can't be a great environment for healing. But then, Lucinda Light seems like a wonderful person to have in your life while you do so??? 

Don't mind me. Just having an existential crisis over a MAFS couple.

Lucinda Light says she is patient and holds the lantern of hope for their future. And, it seems, so do I.

See you Sunday.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Lucinda is the MAFS hero we need.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One groom discovers that marrying a stranger is... a lot.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine.