rogue

It’s that time of year again... Meet the most ridiculous items on Goop’s Christmas Gift Guide.

Nothing gets us more excited for the festive season than seeing the annual Christmas Gift Guide by Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle company Goop.

For 2021, Goop have released a number of different guides: there's the lover's gift guide, under $100, the cook's gift guide, the forward to your significant other, the kid's gift guide, one for men, another for travellers and lastly one aptly titled 'the ridiculous but awesome gift guide'. So, something for rich people of all walks of life. 

Previous years' gift guides have been iconic to say the least, and 2021 has proved no different. 

Watch: Gwyneth Paltrow eats Goop products with Jimmy Fallon. Post continues below.

To get into the Christmas spirit, here are 16 absolutely ridiculous gifts courtesy of Goop.

'This Smells Like My Orgasm' candle: AU$100.

Whether it’s ‘This Smells Like My Vagina’ or ‘This Smells Like My Prenup’, Goop has become incredibly well known for their unique candles.

And this one is no different. 

Many will be delighted to hear that Gwenyth’s orgasm, or at least Goop’s orgasm, smells like grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose.

Image: Goop. 

ADVERTISEMENT

A stay in the Mirrored Tree House in Harads, Sweden: AU$792 per night.

Another fantastic Christmas gift option? Send your loved one to Sweden during a global pandemic for them to stay in a mirrored tree house in a town only 50km south of the Arctic Circle.

Image: Goop + Treehotel. 

Checkers in Rose Quartz: AU$2,539.

Now for the total of five people who are still playing checkers across the globe, here’s a fun take: Goop is selling a hand-poured acrylic checkers board in rose quartz.

Plus, is it just us or do the checkerboard pieces look like little slices cabanossi?!

Image: Goop. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Bubble Gum Gym with Gold-Plated Details and Lacquered Wood: AU$50,300. 

Now this is some rich mumma energy. 

This jungle gym is labelled within Goop’s ‘Ridiculous and Awesome Gift Guide’, and it makes sense why.

It’s made out of matte lacquered wood in delightful bubble gum tones, along with gold-plated details - because of course every kid is in need of some gold-plating. 

Image: Goop. Have a listen to this episode of The Spill, where hosts Laura and Kee discuss their favourite items from the Goop Christmas list. Post continues after podcast.

ADVERTISEMENT

Omakase Berry: AU$66.99.

The Omakase Berry is apparently super sweet and super rare, with Goop saying they're “a first-of-its-kind [because they are] vertical farm tended by bees and AI robots”.

But 11 of these berries will set you back $70ish dollars. ...I think we'll stick with our $2 strawberry punnet, cheers. 

Image: Goop. 

Chanel Sled: AU$14,068.

Toboggan in style - even if it costs you $14,068 to do so. 

Image: Goop. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Handwoven Cashmere Blanket: AU$6,230.

Next, we have a handwoven blanket from luxury brand Hermès, in what can only be described as an incredibly questionable colour palette. 

Image: Goop + Hermes. 

Leopard Print Rolling Papers: AU$18.80.

Hmmm, nothing says 'wellness' and the classic Goop lifestyle like leopard print cigarette rolling papers.

Image: Goop. 

Floating Eco-Luxe Suite: Price Upon Request.

Unsure what to buy for your millionaire pals? Consider this Anthénea pod, which is halfway between an electric yacht and a floating vacation home. 

Image: Goop + Anthenea 

Pink Oyster Mushroom Spray & Grow Kit: AU$37.50. 

Have you ever wanted to grow your own pink oyster mushrooms? Well, now you can.

 

Image: Goop. 

Mykonos Candle Holder: AU$127.30

ADVERTISEMENT

Look, we don't want to be critical, but does this super exxy candle holder look like a pumice stone, or maybe even a lump of dried-out dog excrement with a carved hole in the middle? We think yes. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Image: Goop. 

Home Alone 2 Package The Plaza Hotel: Price Upon Request.

If you think it would be fun for your kid to accidentally be separated from you, and end up at a swish hotel in New York (minus two vindictive thieves), then this Christmas gift is perfect for your family!

The package involves a night at the Plaza Hotel, a limo tour, personalised pizza, and a sixteen-scoop room service sundae. Now this gift is labelled 'Price Upon Request' by Goop, which we're pretty sure translates directly to: ridiculously expensive.  

Image: Goop + The Plaza. Listen to Mamamia Out Loud: The Gwyneth Paltrow essay we need to unpack. Post continues after audio.

ADVERTISEMENT


Winter Rose Crystal Vessel: AU$669.90.

With only 100 in existence (for good reason), you better get in quick if you wish to get your hands on a crystal ball stuffed with rose petals. 

Image: Goop. 

Airplane Seat Cover: AU$79.

My only question is this: how the hell are you supposed to get this seat cover onto an airplane seat, especially when flying economy?

Image: Goop. 

ADVERTISEMENT

A Croissant Tin: AU$261.

It's a porcelain dish disguised as a stale croissant. Enough said.

 

Beyond Extravagance, A Royal Collection of Gems and Jewels book: AU$3,014.60.

Basically, you're paying for an expensive book which talks about a lot of expensive things, encouraging you then to purchase these expensive things yourself. Capitalism! 

Image: Goop. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Is there anything you would be keen to buy on this list if money was no object? Or does the whole gift guide just leave you feeling confused as hell? Let us know in the comments!

Feature image: Getty + Goop.

Like a $100 gift voucher for your thoughts? Take our quick survey about TV watching habits for your chance to win. 

MMSurvey