dating

"3 months later I got a text." 8 women on discovering the 'reason' why they were ghosted.

When I first posted a call out for stories from women who had been ghosted, I received more responses than I could possibly know what to do with.

Ghosting, for the unfamiliar, refers to the act of ending a personal relationship (in this case, a romantic relationship) with someone suddenly and without any explanation.

As I read through these women’s stories, I realised that while ‘being dumped‘ is awful, it’s not nearly as awful as learning that the person you were dating did not even think you were worthy of dumping.

“The embarrassment…” one woman reflected. “The embarrassment of having to tell people that you’ve been dumped but actually never got dumped – just deleted from someone’s life via the internet…”

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While ghosting isn’t new, necessarily, its omnipresence in the modern world is.

They’re always there, right in your back pocket. And you’re always there, right in their back pocket.

They could text you at any moment if they wanted. And thus, in every moment, you’re reminded that they don’t.

There were women I spoke to who had found themselves deleted from the social media accounts of the person they thought they were dating. Others rang one day, to discover their number had been blocked by a person they were meant to be having dinner with that night. Years on, one woman is still waiting for an explanation as to why their boyfriend of seven months decided to abruptly cut off all contact, without providing her with so much as a text message.

But there were a handful of women I spoke to, who did one day discover ‘why’ they had been ghosted.

These are some of their stories.

Elizabeth, 25

“I was seeing this guy, and a couple of months in he even joined me on a holiday in Noosa on a whim. I had a wedding to go to up there and I couldn’t get him an invite last minute. So we agreed he would meet us all after the wedding for drinks – he seemed fine with that and understood. 

He never turned up to the drinks and had flown back to Melbourne while we were at the wedding without mentioning a thing. I found out months later it was because he was sleeping with various people we worked with and semi-seriously seeing two of them at the same time.”

Genevieve, 29

“I was ghosted by a guy and was so upset I even wrote him a letter. Then, two years later I ran into him at an ANZAC Day event and he had NO IDEA who I was and was hitting on me.

I eventually found out that apparently my post-date banter was a bit too intense. Which is probably fair. I’m incessantly annoying with my texting.”

Monica, 32

“We met, went out for a few weeks and then he went completely silent, which I figured was because I’m much older. But then three months later the long apology message came in. 

His brother had some serious mental health stuff going on and the wheels had fallen right off. We caught up, talked about it and now check in with each other every now and then.”

Frieda, 20

“A guy I met on Tinder and really liked ghosted me out of nowhere, and then about two weeks later provided a totally valid reason. I asked him, ‘Why didn’t you just tell me??’

He felt we were just really different people. He was a partier, drinker and smoker, while I don’t like heavy drinking or smoking, and was looking for a serious relationship.”

Neesha, 34

“This guy never texted me back after we met at some country races.

It turned out he got home and his farm had been caught in a bushfire and he ended up fighting it and trying to fix up his farm for weeks after. Anyway he did eventually text and we dated for a while but alas it was not a happy ending for other reasons…”

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Katarina, 24

“A  guy who I had lots of mutual friends with and had a massive crush on ghosted me after we had chatted for a month and had finally decided to sleep together. On the day it was meant to happen, he just started ignoring my messages.

I raged for a bit, then did the Insta-chop (blocking and then unblocking him so we weren’t following each other anymore), and tried to forget about it.

Two months later my book got picked up to be published and he randomly messaged me to meet up again, ostensibly to congratulate me.

Turns out he had a 22-year-old girlfriend he’d been sleeping next to every night the whole time he was messaging me. But he ghosted me an hour before we were meant to have sex because he’s ‘not that guy’.

He told me that the girlfriend had moved to China now, so did I want to pick up where we left off?”

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Jazmin, 26

“I was ghosted after three months, the night before we had been talking on the phone and he said ‘I love you’.

The next day I texted to see if he wanted to go to the movies. No reply. The next day I texted and called, and it went straight to voicemail. I had this sinking feeling in my gut and looked up what happens when someone blocks your number and voila! I’d been blocked.

He didn’t tell me at the time what the reason was and I was devastated. But then months later he messaged me on (of all things) Snapchat and told me that he’d gotten back with his child’s mum and evidently didn’t have the balls to fess up and just tell me.”

Danielle, 35

“I didn’t put out the first time and he couldn’t be bothered trying again, but, and I quote ‘I’m really horny and thought maybe I can be bothered giving it another crack, and, let’s be honest, I made you want it more by ghosting you didn’t I?’

I promptly told him to go f*ck himself.”

Mika, 30

“I met a guy on Bumble (my first bumble date ever). At first, I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him but we went on a second date anyway. He seemed SO into me, texting me all the time, making plans and following through, he even drove all the way from Brisbane to Byron Bay for one night just to see me because I was staying there for five days and he ‘missed me’.

I started to like him and we were seeing each other and sleeping together for a couple of months. Then out of nowhere, he started acting distant. He slept over at my place one night (against my better judgement…) and in the morning I asked him, ‘will I see you again?’ He replied, ‘yes you will’.

Then, I didn’t hear from him. I sent him a couple of messages but he never replied.

About a month later I received a long message at 1am from him apologising, telling me that he’d had a lot of problems at work and one of his friends had received a bad health diagnosis and that was the reason he stopped talking to me.

He wanted me to know that ‘It had nothing to do with you but I also don’t expect you to forgive me’.

I replied and said it was fine and I understand. I’ve never spoken to him since.”

If you have a story about being ghosted, you can email me at [email protected]

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