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Mamamia recaps Game of Thrones: The episode that broke the world.

Warning: This post contains A LOT of spoilers for Game of Thrones season 8 episode 3. If you’re not caught up on the latest episode, bookmark us and come back once you’re ready to properly debrief.

Oh sh*t.

We’ve been stress eating chocolate for a week and now the day has finally come.

The Battle of Winterfell is here and we are SO SCARED. Everyone is probably going to die and we’re not ready to face it. At all.

We open on Samwell’s shaking hands and sweetie, you can’t just go into battle without a weapon. You just can’t. 

Meanwhile in Winterfell, Bran Stark is being wheeled away to be used as bait for the Night King at the Weirwood Tree. God, this kid really needs a hobby, doesn’t he? Surely he’s got something better to do than waiting in the cold for his enemies, right?

Wait.

Something far more important is happening.

We have a Ghost sighting. I REPEAT WE HAVE EYES ON GHOST.

GHOST
THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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I swear to God, Ghost better be alive by the end of this episode or I'm gonna sue.

It's dead silent on the battlefield and everyone is expecting the Night King to emerge from the shadows but instead, Melisandre arrives.

via GIPHY

Davos isn't happy to see The Red Woman (let's not forget what happened to Shireen) but he decides to let her in anyway.

"There's no need to execute me Ser Davos. I'll be dead before the dawn," she tells him.

Melisandre lights the Dothraki's swords on fire and um, why couldn't she have shown up earlier? 

The Dothraki march off into the distance and within seconds, the light from their swords disappears. They're all dead.

Yep, that's it. Winterfell has no chance.

Sam looks terrified and honestly, same. Did the White Walkers really have to descend on Winterfell at night? This is just making things even more terrifying.

Mamamia’s Clare Stephens and Nicolle Stuart unpack what happened on last week's episode of Game of Thrones on the Mamamia Recaps podcast. Post continues after audio...

Within moments, the Night King's army has arrived and the battle has well and truly begun. Brienne is knocked to the ground by a walker and we're freaking out but luckily Jaime is there to help her to her feet.

Up above, Dany and Jon fly over the battlefield as Drogon and Rhaegal cover the walkers in fire and all we can think about is the fact that Jon is riding a dragon that is literally named after his Dad.

Wait. NO.

Sam is on the ground and a White Walker is about to STAB HIM IN THE EYE.

Dolorous Edd emerges and kills the White Walker but just as Sam gets to his feet, Edd is killed.

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And now his watch is ended.

The battle continues but it's so dark, we genuinely can't see who is getting killed. This episode may as well be an audio book because THE SCREEN IS PITCH BLACK.

squinting woman
I'M SQUINTING SO HARD AND I CAN'T SEE SH*T.

But there's a positive – at least we can't get sad over any deaths if we can't see them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh. Melisandre has lit the trenches on fire and we can finally see again. More of that, pls.

Meanwhile in Winterfell, Sansa and Tyrion are down in the crypts among the women and children.

They discuss that one time they were married and honestly, it's really not a great time to be talking about your relationship but okay.

Over with Bran and Theon at the Weirwood, Bran is trying to reassure Theon that he has what it takes to take on the White Walkers.

"Everything you did brought you to where you are now," he says. "Where you belong. Home."

But before Theon can respond, Bran goes into full raven mode.

bran
Oh. Bye.
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Oh sweet Jesus. He's here.

The Night King has arrived on Viserion and ugh, we seriously believed that fan theory that he was going to go to King's Landing this episode instead.

Look, I know the Night King is scary and all but can we please all take a moment to remember what this guy looked like before he became the Night King.

He was kind of... hot.

game-of-thrones-night-king
Remember when we found out the Night King was quite attractive as a human? Image: HBO.

Anyway, enough of that. Back on the battleground, the White Walkers have decided to lie on the burning trenches.

They start climbing the walls into Winterfell and this is just too much. I can't. I'm leaving.

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As they ascend up the wall, Brienne and Jaime fight back to back against the walkers alongside Arya and Podrick.

YES ARYA. YES BRIENNE. KILL THEM ALL.

Arya violently cuts a White Walker's head off and to be honest, we think we know who really deserves the Iron Throne now.

Pause.

The giant has arrived and he's knocked little Lady Lyanna Mormont to the ground. He picks her up off the ground and crushes her in his bare hands. It's very... disturbing.

But it's not the last of Lyanna Mormont. Using her last breath, she stabs him in the eye as they both fall to the ground.

lyanna
That was... traumatic.

Oh sh*t. Now Arya is down in the crypts and it's deadly quiet which means something terrible is definitely going to happen.

She's surrounded and running through the crypts from the walkers but just before she is attacked, The Hound and Beric save her. Just moments later, Beric dies. He's saved Arya for the last time.

Elsewhere in Winterfell, the Night King has jumped off Viserion as a full blown fight between the dragons kicks off.

Dany hits the Night King with a constant stream of fire but after all that, he's still alive.

It turns out the Night King can survive dragon flames and smile while he's doing it. FFS.

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Jon goes after the Night King on foot but it's a trap. We knew it. He's gonna do it. He's bringing the dead back to life.

nightking
YOU'RE SO DISRESPECTFUL. JUST DIE ALREADY.

Down in Winterfell's "safest place", the crypts, people are being killed as the dead rise from their graves and Jon has no choice but to run off to find Bran. Meanwhile, stranded among a sea of White Walkers, things are looking grim for Dany until Jorah (a.k.a Lord Friendzone) arrives to rescue his Queen.

Within moments, Jorah is stabbed.

Back at the Weirwood, Theon Greyjoy is the last man standing protecting Bran, who is doing precisely NOTHINGHe's just chilling in his chair while everyone is dying around him like it's no big deal. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But wait.

The Night King is here. This is it. The moment we've all been waiting for.

"Theon, you're a good man," Bran says. "Thank you."

Theon runs at the Night King but he has no chance. In just seconds, Theon is dead.

theon
Could this episode possibly be anymore traumatic?!
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The Night King and Bran Stark are finally face to face.

But pause.

Something is happening. There's someone coming.

Holy sh*t.

ARYA JUST KILLED THE NIGHT KING. I REPEAT ARYA STARK KILLED THE NIGHT KING.

GIVE HER THE IRON THRONE.

As the Night King dies, the White Walkers fall to the ground as the Red Woman retreats to die in the snow. The Battle of Winterfell is over.

Excuse us, we need to go mourn until next week now.

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