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"It's the same fight every week": 26 women on how often they fight with their partners.

Fact: people in relationships fight. It’s just what we do, right?

It’s impossible for two people to be in complete agreement on everything at all times (or is it?), and overcoming screaming matches disagreements is one part of sharing your life with someone.

Be it over leaving milky cereal bowls in the sink for days or differing opinions on how to parent, what constitutes an argument is subjective and unique to every couple. But how much fighting in a relationship is OK and is there a type or amount that isn’t?

Side note -Mamamia staff share their ultimate relationship deal breakers in the video below, any sound familiar? Post continues after video.

Video via Mamamia

Here, 26 Aussie women share an insight into the kinds of fights going on in their relationships.

From how often and how heated, to what they’re fighting about in the first place, it’s a snapshot of what “normal” couples in relationships are actually arguing about behind closed doors.

1. 27, together for five years and living together for one.

My partner and I have two fights over and over again. The first is about why we don’t have more sex. Are we normal? Do you desire me? Am I not attractive to you anymore? We have this fight once a fortnight or so. The second fight we have monthly or whenever something like a wedding, birthday or a significant occasion comes up. It is: can you see a future with me? My partner lives very much in the ‘now’ and doesn’t like to think too far ahead, but I’m yearning for a commitment. I don’t want to be engaged right now, but I also don’t want to get another year into our relationship and be in the same place we are now.

2. 25, together for almost three years and married for one.

The only serious fight we’ve ever had was when I fell asleep after he’d given me his keys and he was locked out.. so he had to find a hotel to sleep in (so bad). Apart from that, I try and pick fights when I get annoyed about household stuff but he never budges. It’s so frustrating, I can’t imagine being that level-headed. We occasionally have disagreements about his regular conversations with his ex-girlfriend because they still share a dog together. He says they’re ‘logistical conversations’, but she still likes to talk to him about everything. He says if we want to keep seeing the dog, then I should just deal with it.

3. 31, together for 12.5 years and married for three.

Our fights are mainly over my partner saying he is or was ‘going to do something’ but didn’t. He is very laid back, so our fights consist of me sort of shouting and him being calm. Our fights are usually about life admin – for example, because the electricity is in his name, I’ve been asking him for at least a month to ring up and ask why our rate has just jumped, and he still hasn’t done it. We are very much equals and my partner gets home before me so he does his fair share of the housework – and cooks every night, so I can’t complain, but we sometimes bicker because he has this weird mentality that if he cleans the floors once, he shouldn’t have to do them for weeks. He gets frustrated and says, “I just did those floors!” Um no, that was weeks ago. We have happily solved this problem by getting a cleaner fortnightly and I’m telling you, our fights have significantly decreased!

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4. 28, together for eight years and married for one and a half.

We mostly fight about cleaning. My partner will do the outside jobs and expect me to do all the inside jobs, and gets frustrated if my clothes are on the floor, but won’t put them away for me to be helpful. He gets stressed when the house is messy, but insists on leaving everything out to be seen. Our fights are heated but don’t last long. We also fight when I don’t explicitly say something because he is so literal – he will take me at my word instead of the implied meaning. To be honest, we used to have horrendous fights so we ended up in therapy and it was the BEST thing we ever did.

Mamamia’s Overshare podcast hosts discuss, is it EVER OK to cheat? Listen below and make up your own mind, post continues after audio.

5. 23, together for five years and living together.

We fight because I can see and plan into the future, and he can only see and plan for the present. He also has trouble accessing and expressing his emotions as he is very logical, so I usually just cry at him and he tells me some percentages. And then I cry more.

6. 30, together for four years with two kids.

We have silent fights… but not the silent treatment. If we fight, it’s because we are exactly the same. Our ensuite doesn’t have a great spot for dirty clothes so they just end up on the floor. We have his and hers basins and we just push our things over to the other person’s side until one of us (read: me) does the washing. We do the same with toothpaste. When I run out, instead of opening a new one, I steal and hide his. He does the same. But we’ve never had a real fight. Ever.

7. 39, together for two years and aren’t living together.

Once when I went over to my partner’s place after work, we started making out and things escalated. But when he went to go down on me, he told me my vagina smelled bad. I left immediately and we didn’t speak for about two days. It was one of the worst fights we’ve had because I was already insecure about our sex life and whether he found me attractive. We don’t bring it up often but any arguments to do with intimacy/our sex life, I win.

8. 46, together for 20 years.

We have been together for 20 years and both kids have grown up and moved out. We only argue about one thing and it’s that I don’t want to cook every night anymore. My partner thinks I should, but now I don’t have little kids to cook for, I don’t think I should. Our fights don’t escalate, nor are they resolved. Same argument just on different days. I spent almost 20 years cooking dinner every day. Now I think if I can’t be bothered cooking, I don’t think I should have to. He’s an adult and can fend for himself some nights.

9. 26, together for four years and living with his parents.

We only fight about money – mostly five days before payday when we have none because of his inability to save. He tries hard – he makes budget spreadsheets but can’t put them into practice. We live with his parents because we’re trying to save (which definitely doesn’t help when you’re trying not to get irritable!). When it comes to things like spending too much on a night out, he’s very much like ‘ah well, it’s done now’ and I’m trying to change that mindset. I’ve realised I probably can’t, so I try to bite my tongue. And try guide around the conversation rather than it being an argument. My partner isn’t very good at having a discussion so he sometimes thinks I’m being aggressive/trying to start a fight when I’m not, I just want to talk about things.

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10. 31, together for three years and living together for 18 months.

We have silly fights about putting stuff straight into the dishwasher/bin instead of leaving it on the bench. But we have bigger ‘discussions’ about the serious stuff. We barely agree on anything and are completely different people in every aspect. We have very different religious and political views, which is the cause of a lot of disagreements… we’re still navigating how to work through some of these.

11. 28, together nearly three years and aren’t living together.

My boyfriend and I don’t fight. I’ve never been in a relationship like this before. There’s the odd comment like “hey, do you reckon you could be more mindful of X”. And then we’re like “yeah, sorry.” Some people think it’s really weird. BUT. We don’t live together and I think that makes a massive difference. Obviously there’s way less pressure than the average relationship.

12. 33, together for 12.5 years and living together, but aren’t married.

Our fight patterns are pretty equal – one of us says or does something wrong, the other gets offended and a molehill quickly becomes a mountain. He’s usually annoyed at me over something to do with not being able to adult properly or do life admin (he’s older than me and LOVES IT). I get annoyed at him for taking his stress out on me. But our fights don’t last long – we have quiet time alone or see friends, then come back and everything’s fine. Apologies made, back to normal!

Couple cuddling
How much fighting is too much? Image: Getty.
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13. 25, together for three years and living together the whole time.

We don’t fight often but we bicker constantly, and happily. We’re very comfortable saying whatever we feel in that moment and it normally turns to laughter. However, we’ve had some bloody DINGERS in our time. When they do happen, they are ridiculous and over the top. One of our biggest ever fights was a few years ago in our first house together, he wanted to hang up a stupid poster somewhere and I didn’t want the stupid poster and wanted it somewhere hidden in the house. I swear to God, this picture frame caused World War 3 and nearly made us break up. We were ridiculous. It lasted for an hour of yelling and then three hours of silent treatment and huffing until I broke a glass by accident and he thought I hurt myself and we got over it and laughed. We’d probably fight more because I’m the dramatic, quick to temper, quick to forget type, but he’s pretty chilled out, he won’t take my nonsense but he doesn’t react to it either so it never escalates.

14. 26, together for almost five years, currently engaged and living together.

My partner and I squabble rather than have screaming matches. We usually argue over random things, there are not usually repeat fights over the same topic. However, I have noticed a recurring theme - he will get sulky instead of saying "I didn't like X and it made me feel X, in future I wish you'd X". I much prefer clear and honest communication, but it doesn't always happen! But I'm not perfect either, I usually take longer to simmer down after a disagreement than he does.

15. 30, together for 15 years, eight of those married.

My husband and I usually have a big fight every school holidays because he is a teacher, and I am just generally annoyed that he is on holidays and I am not. So we fight over the most silly things. We both yell at each other and our fights are very loud, but they are over so quickly. We usually recover as it gets to a point where we realise how silly we are being. One of us will usually cave and say something really silly as a joke.

16. 26, together four years and living together for two.

My boyfriend lives his life by the phrase 'she'll be right'. We argue because I want him to be more organised, better at planning and more forward-thinking, but everything always works out for him anyway so there's no motivation to change. It's usually just me asking him why he doesn't care enough about X thing and him saying he does care he just doesn't have to organise anything, worry about anything or think about it until the day. Which to be fair, sometimes is warranted. Some of my forward planning is anxiety-based and probably unnecessary, but I wish he'd at least meet me halfway because a lot of it is very warranted. For example, we're moving house this weekend and I'm away and I keep asking him what the plan is and he just says... 'it'll be right', 'we don't have that much stuff'. Like.. WHAT.

17. 28, married for five years with three kids under four.

We only ever fight about one topic and that’s the house renovation. Honestly, we can disagree on serious issues and just agree to think differently... but when it is about the reno, we can't get past it. We argue and it escalates so fast into not talking to each other. The Block would be our worst nightmare.

18. 51, together and married for 24 years.

We fight about ridiculous things because my husband doesn’t like conflict, so he holds on until one day I will say ‘you didn’t get milk’ and he will say I only notice the things he doesn’t do, never the things he does and I will say I’m just talking about milk and he will get REALLY SHOUTY and take the dog out. He will text an apology the next day explaining what was really the problem (work stress, usually) and we go on. In recent years, we have had arguments about me commenting on his drinking. He knows he has a control problem when drinking (he can’t have just one) but doesn’t want to face it so if I bring it up, I’m being controlling. We have argued in the past because of different parenting styles but the kids are older now so not so much any more. He is Disneyland dad (love is giving them gifts) and I am rules mum (love is setting boundaries and teaching morals). All in all, we don’t argue about the big things and have never argued about money so I say we’re doing pretty well!

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19. 26, together six years and dating long-distance for two.

We fight/seriously argue very rarely, maybe once every few months. We've been interstate long-distance for almost two years and if we argue, it's usually because one of us is being stubborn about a topic that's not necessarily important, but that we are passionate about. We've never had a serious fight about money/family/politics as we tend to agree on these "base morals". Any arguments we have are usually resolved during the the discussion - we both take a step back to clearly communicate our points of view, acknowledge the other person's and tell each other how we'd express our views better next time. It sounds not real now that I've written it, but we're pretty no bullsh*t and straight to the point with each other.

20. 40s, together for 25 years, not married and living with four kids and a grandchild at home.

We have had a really tough year, we still have four kids at home and an 18-month-old grandson living with us. When my partner and I fight, we're yelling 'f*ck you c***', 'you're an arsehole', 'stop being such a baby!' etc. I think it's because our home life has been extremely stressful.

breakup
"We are deeply in love but the same fight keeps coming up." Image: Getty.

21. 26, together for almost eight years and living together for three.

Honestly, our most common fights are still over the housework (???). I always forget to hang my towel up, he hates doing the dishes. He doesn’t know how to dust properly, I have a floordrobe. We probably have an argument over housework every one to two weeks. They’re normally just a bit of bickering and then dealing with it and getting over it pretty quickly, but our arguments escalate with the amount of external stress in our lives. Normally, we’re over our arguments within an hour. We usually just take a time out and come back later to talk it over rationally.

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22. 28, together for 11 years, living together.

My partner and I fight once a week. We fight about cleaning, because he works from home and I'd like him to do a majority of the housework, pls. He doesn't, and I end up doing hours of it on the weekends. WHY. It's essentially the same fight: why didn't you do your washing during the week? Why are you so sh*t at cleaning? Etc. I instigate the fight, and luckily, he's really calm by nature so it never escalates, because he just nods along and agrees with me. Our only other fights happen when he insists he told me something and he just definitely didn't. But I can't be bothered staying mad at him for long, and often he looks at me and smiles because he KNOWS I'll crack and give him a cuddle instead.

23. 25, together for almost two years.

We are deeply in love but the same fight keeps coming up. We spent several months of the first year of our relationship overseas apart, then moved in after eight months (prematurely) because my home life wasn't great. That’s probably the cause of our fights, along with my lack of understanding personal space and emotions (maybe due to me being high-functioning autistic). Other fights we have are over money - he has triple my savings and has had a history of support financially, where I haven’t so he pays for rent but that causes heated conversations. We probably fight about this every couple of months when it bottles up and explodes, we will be so good at communicating and understanding each other until it bubbles up again.

24. 35, together for three years and living together.

We usually fight because our communication styles are so different and we interpret each other wrongly. It's the pits. That said, we always talk it through and end up understanding each other. Somehow.

25. 31, together for five years and living with a sibling.

I always instigate our fights because my partner is incredibly non-confrontational and he will just pretend like everything is fine and hope it goes away. Normally, we fight about the fact that we haven’t been spending enough time together, his brother doesn’t pull his weight around the house or, the big one lately is, that we’re not on the same page about marriage. We don’t fight often and the rule is that if he asks me what’s wrong and I say “nothing” and give him the cold shoulder, then it’s up to me to go to him and talk about what the problem is when I’m ready and can communicate my feelings clearly and concisely.

26. 29, together for three years and getting married in three weeks.

My fiancé and I fight REGULARLY, mostly about the tone of voice I use and my family (who in fairness, were less than welcoming in the start). Usually, this means a good blow up once a fortnight but with my stress levels at an all-time high pre-wedding, it’s a fair bit more frequently right now. The real issue is I am AWFUL at apologising, so our pattern is more to do with my inability to say sorry until it’s escalated too far. I know a lot of people would recoil at this, but ON THE PLUS SIDE, the openness and level of communication my partner and I have is next level. We address EVERYTHING at the time and are able to get back on the same page and the same team very quickly. Zero festering!

How often do you and your partner argue? Tell us about your experiences in the comments below.

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