Goodness. It's Emmys day.

Despite a global pandemic and the likelihood that half of Hollywood is... infectious, they're trying to pull off a live TV broadcast for TV awards for TV shows and TV actors for our viewing pleasure.

Thank you so much.

But first... there's a red carpet. Not like, physically but... metaphorically.

How does one show off an entire gown/very expensive shoes in a small Zoom frame? What do we think famous people's pyjamas look like?

I feel like all the men will be wearing shirts and ties with no pants, because OF COURSE.

OOH, first we meet the coach fromGleeand she's in her guest house.Same.

We can tick 'pyjamas' off our Emmys bingo already, because Jane Lynch has PJ pants on and slippers with a very sparkly blazer.

She asks the host where he orders pizza from, 'cause she needs to shake up her order. Like, this really feels like an off-air conversation, but these really are unprecedented times.

OOH Jameela Jamil is here and by here we mean her living room.

She says quarantine has seen her stare into her fridge in despair for long periods of time and again, SAME. She's also wearing pyjamas and a sequin dressing gown becausecute and practical.

Ok they keep talking about how Giuliana Rancic can't be there andoh, it's because she has COVID. Has anyone checked on Ryan Seacrest?

A series of men I've never heard of speak. One is wearing a tuxedo, alone, in quarantine. Weird flex, my dude.

We then learn the other planned red carpet host Vivica A. Fox ALSO has COVID and had to pull out. Uh oh! It's almost like holding an awards ceremony during a pandemic is a questionable decision!

In positive news, Ted Danson is here a.k.a not here!

Oh. His doorbell immediately rings. It's definitely his wife with a strategic move to shorten the interview so he can get back to his couch and sweat pants. That is the Real Good Place.

Then there's a number of other people I don't know, which is less of a critique of their relevance and more of an embarrassment for me, considering writing about television is my job and I swear I'm not totally inept!

Another embarrassment: My Wi-fi... isn't great. I listen to Rain Valdez's entire interview while she's... frozen.

Sorry, Rain, you deserved better.

It finally unfreezes and HEY, IT'S CHIDI. The world isn't a Good Place right now and I've missed Chidi. He's wearing a t-shirt, which is totally not a Chidi thing to do. We stan growth and appreciate him trying to distinguish himself from his character.

It doesn't work, but it is important to try.

This man fromMorning Warsis wearing a blazer with an actual pyjama shirt and everyone else in PJ chic is shaking in their slippers.

It's time to talk to Hollywood royalty Regina King, who despite being an Oscar winner within the same city as the hosts HAS A WIFI DELAY.

She responds to each question after a five second pause and I feel more secure in my job knowing not even the stars can get good Wi-Fi.

PAUSE. IT'S JANET.

Why is this 'red carpet' justThe Good Placecast?

Janet has a dog and trust her to know what the people want. LESS 'How has quarantine been for you?' and MORE dogs, please.

A randomE!host then announces she's engaged and has a very sparkly ring. Congrats, I guess?

We round out the show with Rachel Brosnahan and more importantly her DOG.

The red carpet ends and in hindsight... nothing happened.

There was a distinct lack of pets and awkward gaffes and I'm... disappointed.

PAUSE, there's no time to wallow because it's ceremony time, and we open on a beautifully full celebrity crowd.

I know America is doing things… differently, but this doesn’t look AT ALL COVID-safe.

Oh. This is just old footage, and Jimmy Kimmel is actually standing in front of a totally empty stadium with… only a couple of cardboard cutouts. And… Jason Bateman. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After Bateman calls an Uber, Kimmel moves to another room with… every person you’ve ever seen in a TV show before, ever, appearing on screen in a GIANT Zoom situation.

Frankly, I’m terrified.

IMAGINE BEING ON A ZOOM CALL WITH SANDRA OH, REESE WITHERSPOON AND KERRY WASHINGTON.

There is precisely no time to f**k around this year, on account of there being nothing to… do, besides actually hand out awards.

First up, Eugene Levy wins Best Actor in a Supporting Role and true, he’s great inSchitt’s Creekbut remember him in Mary-Kate and Ashley’s iconic filmNew York Minute?

OOH, we've been blessed with the presence of Tracee Ellis Ross and some ACTUAL Emmys glamour.

Remember when we wore things other than sweats? Oh, the nostalgia.

She presents a writing award to Daniel Levy, and bless, the hugs between father-and-son duo Eugene and Daniel are wholesome af.

He also wins Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Seri