dating

'I'm a bisexual man. Here are 3 misconceptions people have about dating me.'

Dating is a very challenging and personal experience for anyone, and as a bisexual man, it comes with its own set of challenges. The dating world is rife with stereotypes and misconceptions about bisexuality - often, I think, as a result of people's own insecurities and/or trust issues.

I started exploring my sexuality when my ex-girlfriend and I broke up after two and a half years together. 

She was my high school sweetheart, and it was my first heartbreak. One of the reasons we'd broken up was because she'd gone through my search history and seen I'd looked at gay porn.

Watch: We provide an explainer on the correct terms to use when it comes to the LGBTIAP community. Post continues after video.


Video via Mamamia.

Now, at the time I wasn't aware of my sexuality and had been exploring it, so I couldn't exactly explain it either. 

What this taught me, as I moved forward, was to be transparent with people about my bisexuality. 

But to be honest, I'm not sure if that has made things better, or worse. 

When I tell people I'm bisexual, most people either question it, dismiss it, laugh it off or play into the stereotypes of what bisexuality is.

So much so, that I now often avoid telling people I'm bisexual, unless it comes up in conversation.

I used to enjoy having the conversation with people about being bisexual as I think any education or debunking of misconceptions is great, but it got exhausting, very fast. 

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One of the biggest assumptions I get (from my family too, might I add) is that I'm still closeted and haven't yet accepted that I am "gay".

I'd spend the next five minutes trying to justify myself, while continually being dismissed. I felt like I was being forced to pick a side or be put into a box that didn't fully describe who I was.

The second misconception often comes from the people who actually date me. When I'd tell them I'm bisexual, they'd say: "Oh, so now I have to worry about you looking at everyone."

For me, that smacks of insecurity, and makes me feel like I'm constantly going to have to deny being attracted to... everyone.

The last misconception I constantly hear when dating is the assumption I want to have a threesome.

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People constantly see my sexuality as a one-way ticket to an orgy or a threesome. My sexuality is much more than just sexual experiences or having fun.

I'm a real person and at some stage I would like to find love without being sexualised or constantly questioned about who or even 'what' I am.

I am very confident in who I am and my sexuality but I'm tired of defending myself. I'm tired of explaining myself or having my sexuality diminished.

I know deep down I need to stop somewhat hiding my bisexuality and continue educating. Because being bisexual is liberating and free and my relationships are about finding someone I love, regardless of their gender.

Feature Image: Instagram @_jamesparr.

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