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5 women on exactly what happened before, during, and after they had a threesome.

Threesomes are often presented as the ultimate sexual fantasy, but have you ever wondered how to arrange one? And what happens afterwards? 

Is it fun or is it just kind of..awkward?

From a spontaneous one-off hook-up to a polyamorous lifestyle choice, we asked five women to share their real-life threesome experiences. 

Watch: Mamamia's Sex Editor Katie Stow shares the results of the Mamamia Sex Survey. Post continues below. 


Video via Mamamia.

Here's what they had to say.

1. Vivien 

I had a one-off threesome in my late 20s when I was single and living in a share house.

I didn't plan to have a threesome that night, but I had been crushing on my gorgeous female roommate Bridget for a while.

On the night it happened, all of us were at our local bar with lots of other friends, including a long-time friend of Bridget’s, named Mike, who was back in town for a visit. After a drink or two, I just decided that I was going to flirt with Bridget and see what would happen.

I think I might have suggested to Bridget that Mike was cute and that maybe it would be fun to take him home with us. At some point, she asked Mike, and he agreed.

Once we were home and in the bedroom, it took a bit of time to get started but luckily Mike took the lead, which I was happy about. I was nervous because there were a few things I just knew I wasn’t comfortable doing. Everyone was really cool though, and no one pressured anyone. I could see Mike wanted to do more with Bridget and Bridget wanted to do more with me, so I happily stepped in to pleasure Mike or I think I would have felt guilty if he ended up being left out.

I still reminisce about that night sometimes, and only ever fondly and gratefully.

After that night, Bridget and I had maybe one conversation about it specifically. I think she was just checking in and making sure we were good. I just reassured her it’s all good and no worries. We did mess around a couple more times by ourselves over the next year. We are still good friends to this day.

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I would recommend a threesome if the circumstances are right for you and you feel safe. 

Don’t be pressured, or pressure someone else, into doing something unwanted.

2. Selena.

I have had multiple experiences of threesomes and I have tried both female-male-female and male-male-female combinations. When I got divorced, I also tried couple swaps where both couples are in the same room. 

After my marriage ended, I became more experimental as a way of exploring my sexuality and having the freedom to tick off my sexual bucket list!

I have had threesomes at my home after an initial meet and greet elsewhere to get a feel for the person. Once I had a threesome at a couple's home as a surprise for the guy. He came in the room and didn't expect me there as his wife had organised it for him and it was a bit of a shock!

I have always planned my threesomes thanks to an app for swingers called Red Hot Pie (RHP) which is notorious for hook-ups only. I found out about the app through a swinger friend of mine. So, once I was single, I explored RHP, and I met a few singles and couples wanting a 'unicorn' (single woman). 

My first threesome was male-male-female and the second one was a couple I met through the app and it was the first time I've ever truly felt attracted to a female. I entered that dynamic for her more than him. We had two experiences together, and they were both awesome. 

I probably prefer male-male-female overall as I get to be the centre of attention and when I am with another woman, I compare myself too harshly to her. Not just my body, but performance wise too. I also like to please men, so I enjoy knowing they want it. 

It's never been awkward afterwards and I have actually become great friends with all involved after. 

For anyone interested in a threesome, I would say planning is key and good communication with established roles in the dynamic is necessary. I would suggest using the swingers apps to search for like-minded people and always keep communication extremely open. 

Be sure to make sure you know the rules of their relationship if you are taking part as the third person and tell them your rules too!

Another tip would be to meet first for a drink so you can work out if there is attraction and trust and to be sure they are your 'people' before you enter a bedroom with them. 

Listen: Mamamia's podcast Sealed Section hosted by Chantelle Otten will answer all your sex-related questions. Post continues below. 


3. Ashley.

I have had a few casual group sex encounters.

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My first threesome with two men was semi-planned. I had been texting one guy who then introduced me to his friend. The second threesome with a heterosexual couple was a female friend of mine and her partner. We are no longer friends and they are now married with two kids. It wasn't planned, but I enjoyed it and felt it was quite a compliment that another couple would be interested in me.

I also had a foursome that was totally spontaneous - I met a girl on the dancefloor at a nightclub and there was an instant attraction. We made out a bit, and I soon realised she had a male partner. At the end of the night, I asked my male friend plus the couple if they wanted to come back to my apartment for a drink. As soon as we got inside, both couples began kissing, and then it all went from there. 

There was plenty of communication throughout between all four of us so it never felt like anyone was left out or not comfortable. I woke up the next morning feeling like I ticked off a bucket list item. Now that I am in a serious relationship, I think nothing like that would happen again so I am glad I had the chance to do it then. 

The first threesome I had was when I was very young and I only did it because I thought the boys would like me. It was awkward as it was in a car and I just felt that for the men it was not so much about the sexual experience but more so the bragging rights. I don't regret it but I wouldn't recommend it. 

For anyone keen to experiment, I would advise talking to your friends or your therapist first. 

If you are with a partner, try a sex club first. Even if you are just spectating - it gives you a good idea of what to expect. A sex club is a great way to get comfortable around group sex - there are some great ones in Sydney you can try!

4. Donna.

I had several threesomes over a short period while my husband and I were on holidays.

We organised it together with the third person - a man we got in contact with through a site (RHP) that many people use for swinging or casual sex.

It was a lot of fun! As it was male-female-male, I got all the attention. There are a lot more things going on in a threesome and it allows you to try fun things like double vaginal penetration or having a man in each end (i.e. mouth and vagina). 

Afterwards I felt a little bit of 'new relationship energy' regarding the other man, but that quickly wore off. I actually lost interest in the other guy and now we prefer to catch up platonically (the three of us) for dinner when we can. 

I would advise you to try it, but if you are in a couple, only do it if you are confident in your relationship. Don't use it as a last ditch effort to fix any issues because it will amplify them.

Image: Getty.

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5. Rikki.

My experiences of threesomes were a lifestyle choice I made while in my early 20s at university. In high school I had been part of a traditional monogamous relationship but once I got to uni, I rejected monogamy and came out as pansexual. 

I eventually became involved with a woman and we would occasionally go out clubbing and bring back a man to our place for a threesome. It wouldn't happen every weekend, but it was usually casual hook-ups with someone we just felt a connection or vibe with on the dance floor. 

Looking back now, the threesomes were mostly incredibly fun. I've been with both women and men and a combination of both, and when you do have more than two people together sexually, there is a different flow of energy, I enjoyed the playfulness of it.

Eventually my girlfriend and I broke up as we were fighting a lot and wanting different things.

I then had a period of non-monogamous relationships but had to stop and really take a look at the quality of men I was bringing into my life. I was also sick of the chaotic narrative I had created around myself. I actually took a year off sex and was celibate for 12 months and now many years later I am married to a man.

For anyone interested in a threesome, I would say that communication is key. You need to have mature conversations with each other and definitely don't 'gift' a threesome to someone else if you don't want it yourself. 

Have you ever had a threesome? Please tell us all about your experiences below!

Feature Image: Getty. 

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