This post deals with pregnancy loss and might be triggering for some readers.
After a number of days in hospital, Chrissy Teigen's doctor told her the news she knew, deep down, was coming.
Pregnant with her third child, a son named Jack, Teigen's doctors had diagnosed her with partial placenta abruption.
This is when the placenta partly and fully separates from the inner wall of the uterus. It can decrease or block the baby's supply of oxygen and nutrients and cause heavy bleeding in the mother.
"Finally, I had a pretty bad night in bed, after a not-so-great ultrasound, where I was bleeding a bit more than even my abnormal amount," Teigen wrote in an essay on Medium, after the loss of Jack in September when she was 20 weeks pregnant.
"My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly."
Her doctor told her it was time to say goodbye.
"He just wouldn't survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all.
"Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning.
"I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness."
Soon after, Teigen and her husband John Legend shared their loss publicly along with a series of photos showing their grief and final moments with Jack.
View this post on Instagram
We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.