We’re in for another week of
horny school camp Bachelor in Paradise and everyone has seen too much sun.
Paradise is quickly turning into the fiery pits of hell as the love triangles, squares, circles and hexagons become muddled, and it’s increasingly obvious to us all why none of the couples from this spin-off actually last.
It’s not… a healthy way to start a relationship.
Tonight’s episode starts with a whole lot of ~drama~ in the Florence-Bill-Alex love triangle which we interpret as follows:
Bill arranged for Nathan to keep Florence in at the last rose ceremony while he chose Alex with the intention of pursuing both women between rubbing refrigerated aloe vera into his glowing sunburn.
BUT, Bill had previously (unsuccessfully) attempted to get Florence back to his dingy hostel room for quiet bunk bed sex that would have scarred his dorm partner for life.
(No, really, it’s giving us backpacker flashbacks and we don’t like it. WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU).
Watch a snippet of Alex and Flo’s conversation. Post continues after.
For some reason people in Paradise believe Bill’s extremely over-the-top, vehement denial he ever extended such an invitation (have you… met him?), as he continually shouts at Flo for being “malicious”.
Flo calls him a “piece of sh*t” (touche) and Alex runs around yelling I’M TAPPING OUT and will someone please get them all some sunscreen and a bottle of water.
It’s all starting to feel… very familiar.
Bill is starting to remind us very much of Married at First Sight‘s Mike Gunner and his emotional manipulation and continual gaslighting of TV wife Heidi/terrible treatment of every female MAFS contestant.
No, really, we predict Bill will tell someone he’s not their therapist in at least the next two to three episodes.