We’re in for another week of

horny school camp

Bachelor in Paradise andeveryone has seen too much sun.

Paradise is quickly turning into the fiery pits of hell as the love triangles, squares, circles and hexagons becomemuddled, and it’s increasingly obvious to us all why none of the couples from this spin-off actually last.

It’s not… a healthy way to start a relationship.

Tonight’s episode starts with a whole lot of ~drama~ in the Florence-Bill-Alex love triangle which we interpret as follows:

Bill arranged for Nathan to keep Florence in at the last rose ceremony while he chose Alex with the intention of pursuing both women between rubbing refrigerated aloe vera into his glowing sunburn.

BUT, Bill had previously (unsuccessfully) attempted to get Florence back to his dingy hostel room for quiet bunk bed sex that would have scarred his dorm partner for life.

(No, really, it’s giving us backpacker flashbacks and we don’t like it. WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU).

Watch a snippet of Alex and Flo’s conversation. Post continues after.

For some reason people in Paradise believe Bill’s extremely over-the-top, vehement denial he ever extended such an invitation (have you… met him?), as he continually shouts at Flo for being “malicious”.

Flo calls him a “piece of sh*t” (touche) and Alex runs around yelling I’M TAPPING OUT and willsomeone please get them all some sunscreen and a bottle of water.

It’s all starting to feel…very familiar.

Bill is starting to remind us very much ofMarried at First Sight‘s Mike Gunner and his emotional manipulation and continual gaslighting of TV wife Heidi/terrible treatment of every femaleMAFScontestant.

No, really, we predict Bill will tell someone he’s not their therapist in at least the next two to three episodes.

It’s… alarming.

Here’s how Twitter reacted to it all:

Mike on #mafs: I am the biggest gaslighting narcissist you will ever see on your screen. Bill: hold my tropical cocktail #bachelorinparadiseau

— Missus Bee (@theyallcallmeB) April 23, 2019

I cannot believe anyone buys the bullshit Bill is peddling…even his name is a lie #BachelorInParadise #BachelorinParadiseAU

— Jade Jones (@YesSixes) April 23, 2019

We need a #mafs style replay to sort out this Bill/Flo stuff. #bachelorinparadiseau #bachelorinparadise

— Saul McGillicuddy III (@IiiMcgillicuddy) April 23, 2019

Bill is a dirtbag. That is all. #bachelorinparadiseau #BachelorInParadise

— Tim Austin (@Timaahy) April 21, 2019

Bill in like 20 years : #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/9QrGpQjwrM

— Ashley Weidner (@bigash65) April 23, 2019

HE TRIED TO WARN US ABOUT BILL #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/ZmdVDxVpX2

— holly (@hollytheresee) April 18, 2019

Every girl at the TV screen right now #bachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/WoFOsedXNf

— Ellie (@ellieinparadise) April 23, 2019

*Flo breathes* Bill: #bachelorinparadiseau pic.twitter.com/VXXV0sbBLm

— AtomicNicky (@AtomicNicky) April 23, 2019

Alex: “I want to leave and not spend another minute near Bill” Bachie producers: #bachelorinparadiseau pic.twitter.com/RzzjiXsCuH

— AtomicNicky (@AtomicNicky) April 23, 2019

Channel 10 reminding us of what we should think of Bill with some subtle symbolism – that snake on a branch keeps appearing at any mention of him #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Liz D (@ejLIZard) April 23, 2019

Everyone: Bill’s a liar Bill: I’m not lying Everyone: #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/s8Y34bRu3a

— erin ✨ (@erinhocking) April 23, 2019

Listening to Bill makes me want to stab things. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/cS5oX3ADpz

— Jayne Balke (@Jayneymoo) April 23, 2019

Bill is such a hideous man child. He reminds me of every dip shit private school boy I ever had the disservice of listening to at a high school party. #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Madeline Kenzie (@mkenzie___) April 17, 2019

Bill is a classic example of gaslighting. It is abusive behaviour. Recognise it. Its not right. #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Allison (@infiniteallien) April 18, 2019

Bill is what is wrong with the world #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/YHSrcfia8E

— Emma (@Ems12Katie) April 23, 2019