reality tv

Um, we absolutely need to talk about the utterly unsexy bedrooms on Bachelor in Paradise.


We need to talk about the sleeping quarters of Bachelor in Paradise.

The thing is, they’re not very… sexy.

This looks like something out of hostel. As in the horror movie where everybody gets murdered.

It appears the bulk of Channel 10's budget was used on the poolside bar tab.

...Or spent on Osher's fun holiday shirts.

We're honestly not complaining about either of these great investments as viewers, but we would like to know how things, ahem, progress after successful dates in paradise when the contestants are sharing a room that looks like a gang of British lads on tour could burst in, turn all the lights on, and make the room stink of Jägermeister at any minute.

No. Lynx Africa does not mask the smell.

... Or as though your uptight homeroom teacher is about to swing open the door and shine a torch at all the bunks to make sure no one from the boys' dorm has snuck in under the cover of darkness.

Bachelor in Paradise is actually a lot like school camp, only hornier.

While we are in no way snobs when it comes to no-frills accommodation, we're not sure how we'd feel about being plucked from the real world, trapped on an island, plied with alcohol and forced to sleep in very sketchy-looking dorms with the very people we're competing with for attention.

Tell us the truth, Channel 10. Are we actually watching Survivor?

I mean... they don't even get immunity idols.

Here's what else we've noticed about the girls' room:

The mirror appears to be inadequately hung for tall people.


This weird gap between the wall and ceiling:

What hellish creatures are hiding up here?

Slightly unrelated, but this retro gaming device.

Is that a gameboy colour? Respect

Approximately 6,000 bottles of water.

At least we know they're keeping hydrated.

We guess the living conditions of "Paradise" explain why the contestants spend so many long hours getting sh*tfaced by the pool ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.