So, Jake Ellis broke his penis while having sex with Megan Marx.

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Apparently everyone has a Jake Ellis story.

But no one has more of a Jake Ellis story than Megan Marx.

Because she… she… broke his penis.

Yep, we have a broken bachie penis situation on our hands.

A tropical-themed penis emergency, if you will.

We debrief on a Bach in Paradise finale that had us feeling far more than we expected to. Post continues.

You see, Jake and Megan met on Bachelor in Paradise.

They drank some mango daiquiris, fell in “love”, and left paradise together.

And it seems like the mango daiquiri lovefest has continued on after paradise.

According to the NW Magazine, Jake broke his penis while having drunken sex with Megan in a friend’s bathroom, at 3am in the morning, in March.

Yeah, I couldn’t make this sh*t up.

Apparently the couple were havin’ a good time in the bathroom when Megan suddenly heard a scream… followed by a snap.

“It was the most excruciating thing I’ve been through in my life,” Jake told the magazine.

“Immediately I knew I’d done some damage to myself, and told Megan I needed to go to the hospital straight away. It was very swollen.”

While at the hospital the couple were worried someone might recognised them, meaning people would know they were together before the finale aired.

Luckily, they seem to stay incognito… incogpeno?

Anyhoo, it’s been six weeks since the pen-cident and we’re happy to report that Jake’s penis is on the mend.

“Jake now has what I like to call a wizard d**k. He has an amazing Harry Potter scar,” Megan told NW.

Yes, well.

You’re all very welcome.