Before I get hate mail, or you stick pins in a voodoo doll I want you to hear me out. My baby sleeps 11-12 hours a night. Please, please keep reading until the end.
He has been since he was nine-weeks-old. Of course, I still did the dream feeds and the 2am feed until he grew out of them. In fact, I kept doing them long after he had grown out of them because I loved that time with him so much.
Fox isn’t a unicorn baby. He isn’t any different from any other baby. We had circumstances that had us call in a sleep whisperer very early on. I had over committed myself stupidly, to start work seven weeks postpartum. It was part time work but as you know when you are in the baby bubble, you don’t want to leave.
When I gave birth, I expected to have a sleepy newborn for at least the first six weeks. I never got this. My baby was AWAKE. Wide awake and unsettled. All the time.
I didn’t know what to do. I cluster fed and I tried to co-sleep (this terrified me, I had heard of people rolling and suffocating there babies). So he sometimes slept and I watched him. I rocked, I strapped him to me, I patted, I tried 15 different dummies. He was just ready to party.
LISTEN: Zoe explains why sleep training worked for her on Mamamia’s latest podcast for new parents, The Baby Bubble:
It was time for the experts. I called Jen from Wot Baby. She has an app that teaches you the basics on how to create the perfect sleeper. But Fox was too little to start this so I called Jen desperately. Jen does phone and home visits.
I needed help. I needed to know from an expert that I wasn’t crazy and that this baby was rejecting sleep. I had no idea that babies needed to “learn” how to sleep. Just like they need to learn how to chew and feed themselves.
I remember the first time I called Jen. My husband was away. My godmother was here helping me and my gusband (gay husband) had brought over dinner. Fox wouldn’t stop crying. I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed.
Jen answered the phone to me sobbing. I was crying so hard that I didn’t realise the Fox had fallen asleep whist I was wailing. I realised in this first call this was going to be as much about teaching me how to cope as it was to teach Fox how to sleep.
I don’t have my mum. She passed 13 years ago. So the day to day guidance you get from your mum or parents wasn’t available to me. Jen became my biggest support.
The first few times Jen and I met was about helping me understand what was happening for Fox. She did admit that he was very awake for a newborn and seemed more unsettled than normal. This wasn’t a problem. We would be able to address it in a couple of weeks. But for now it was about teaching me what his crying meant when all his needs are met.
Zoe Marshall and Sean Szeps are here to bring the mother’s (and father’s) group to your ears.
Top Comments
I followed this with my boys and I am happy to say they are now 15 & 13 they both sleep well every night. Because they have good sleeping habits they are performing well in school and understand their own bodies limitations. We now have another son who is 2 and I can say he too is sleeping well and knows when he is ready to sleep he doesn't fight what his body needs and our family all enjoy his ability to sleep.
Kids who have healthy sleeping habits are less likely to suffer a mental illness and are more likely to eat a healthy diet. Sleep is as important as food for the health of your child. Don't be so quick to judge. All mother's do the best they can making a decision to teach your child how to self settle and have healthy sleep habits lasts a lifetime. Good job Mumma and thankyou for your story😍
I understand that this is coming from a kind and caring place, and I respect that and am glad that approach worked for this family.
But sometimes.. those rules just don't work. I followed similar rules for my daughter except for letting her cry - I held her to sleep until she was a lot older then gradually taught her to go to sleep on her own with some crying - and it worked for her. BUT. We were stuck at home for every nap. That's what she got used to, and we had to miss social events or be late to work around it.
My son is completely different. Doesn't respond to any of those techniques - he can sleep in a shopping centre with light and noise or at home with a darkened room and white noise. He would cat nap every single day until he was 4-5 months when, on his own, he learned to sleep longer. He started sleeping through the night at 9 months old with no sleep training whatsoever - it just took him time.
Also - yes babies need sleep - but some need more/less than others, and that's ok if your baby doesn't meet the 'quota' if they are happy and thriving in all other milestones.
I guess my points is - the advice can helpful to some, but might also make some mums, especially first timers, feel they are doing something wrong if it doesn't work for their baby.
Listen to your gut, try different things until you find what works and understand that every baby is different - they would be my key tips to any new mum.