"People are not mind readers." 21 lessons everyone should learn before their 40th birthday.

Tomorrow I turn 40, and to be honest, I’m not dealing with it particularly well.

So, inspired by Jessie Stephens and her learned wisdoms, I made a list of some of the things I have learned so far and it made me feel a sense of peace about the passage of time. 

So thank you Jessie for giving me the gift of reflection.

Watch: Penny McNamee's life lessons. Post continues below.

Video via Mamamia

1. Learn to say no. Learn to ask for what you want. People are not mind readers.

2. When you are tired, buy a $25 sun lounger and go to sleep somewhere nice in the shade.

3. Say sorry to people you have hurt in the past. Remember that they are not obligated to forgive you.

4. Most people are doing their best with what they know about life at the time. This includes you. Forgive yourself. (See point above)

5. Learn to love your body. Well, make peace with it and look after it. Learn to dress in a way that lifts you up- this isn’t superficial, it will change your life.

6. As far as we know, you get one chance at life. Do the stuff, say the things, take the chances.

7. Kids are hard. But wonderful. But hard. No one tells you that in the flurry of trying to have one.

8. Everyone says this, but it’s true. Don’t save things for special occasions, make today special - use the chinaware, wear the nice knickers, and wear the shoes.

Read more: Leigh Campbell: "Don't wait." The lesson I learnt on an ordinary afternoon with my newborn son.

9. If someone repeatedly hurts and manipulates you and is toxic to be around, it is okay to walk away. They need to do some personal work. Your work is to walk away and let them do it.


10. When things are hard, start asking “what is life trying to teach me?” rather than “why is life doing this to me?”

11. Let your guard down with your closest friends. They will forgive you. They are not perfect and neither are you.

12. Surround yourself with the friends who are kind, who listen, who understand your inability to respond to texts in a timely manner, who can laugh at the terrible stuff with you, who cheer for you when good things happen.

13. Women need to support other women. Make a meal for a friend who’s snowed under, buy flowers for your bestie, send your favourite book to the friend who needs some kindness in their life. We need to look after each other, because sometimes the people who are meant to look after us don’t or can’t or won’t.

Listen to Jessie's 20 things to know before 30 list on Mamamia Oout Loud. Post continues below.

14. Be kind to everyone even if they are an asshole. Don’t be a doormat and think of it as trolling if you must, but it requires less effort than what they probably deserve.

15. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else - everyone is on a different journey through life and we all come to things at different times and that’s okay. It will also make you feel crappy. Don’t do it.

16. Learn to love yourself. If you have trouble with this, look around and see the women you admire and ask yourself how they must have nurtured themselves. Also read Louise Hay.

17. Get your makeup done professionally and /or ask them to teach you how to do it. This goes for any of the things in life you don’t know how to do and would like to do. Just learn.

18. Further to the point above, when you are scared of something, learn about it. Knowledge disarms fear. This goes for everything from religion to calories.

19. Find a good psychologist to help you work through life. Think of it like finding a good dentist for your brain.

20. Good things take time and effort and persistence and are sometimes really hard.

21. Your thoughts literally become your life. If you want a better life, choose better thoughts.

This post originally appeared in Mamamia Outlouders and has been republished with full permission.

Feature Image: Emma McNamara/Supplied