In a couple of months, I turn 30. And I'm unravelling.
There were things I meant to do and places I was meant to go. I meant to become a prodigy and now it's well and truly too late.
Greta Thunberg is saving the world while I scroll through Facebook marketplace hoping to find second-hand furniture that costs less than $40. Lin-Manuel Miranda was my age when he started to write Hamilton and I meant to write the best theatre production of all time but I also forgot to learn any skills.
But then I remembered the words of our Millennial Messiah, Kylie. Kristen. Jenner. Why the f**k do I know Kylie Jenner's middle name this is literally the problem with my life thus far.
She said in 2016: "Like, I feel like every year has a new energy, and I feel like this year is really about, like, the year of just realising stuff. And everyone around me, we're all just, like, realising things."
So true, Kylie.
I, too, have realised some things, and have decided it is time to share the life lessons we should probably all learn before we turn 30.
1. Don’t buy silk. Or white. And definitely not white silk
You don't know how to wash it. And it won't be different this time, because you're still you, and silk is still silk. You'll put it in the wash and it will come out all course and shrivelled and you'll feel guilty until the day you die.
On this, you'll notice that on every piece of clothing you buy there's a goddamn tag with goddamn instructions on how to goddamn wash it. Read the tag. And then do what the tag says. Life changing.
Watch Libby Trickett's advice to her five-year-old self. Post continues below.
2. If in doubt, iron it. Furthermore, don’t buy anything that requires ironing
If the thought crosses your mind "maybe I should iron this", then you absolutely need to iron it. Ironing your clothes makes them look at least 25 per cent more expensive.