There are some people who are destined to stand in the spotlight, those who can easily take to a stage and enthral an audience with their talent, wit and charisma.
Then… there are people like me.
People destined to sit in the shadows and cling to the achievements of others like attention-seeking barnacles aching to attach themselves to the well-oiled calf of a Kardashian.
Just imagine a cluster of tiny, hideous bridge trolls who, instead of menacing passers-by and threatening to eat their young unless they turned over a sack of gold, got their hands on some Wi-Fi and an Instagram account.
Picture that and you’ll start to get an idea of how my people operate.
It was from the shadows that I watched how one of Australia’s most popular reality TV shows, The Voice Australia, is brought to life.
If you’ve been hiding out in an emergency bunker, surviving solely on tinned beetroot because you accidentally ate all the tinned carrots first and now you really regret it, you may have no idea how The Voice actually works.
So allow me to break it down for you.
Basically, in the early episodes of the show a team of celebrity judges sit in enormous, revolving red leather armchairs with their backs to the stage. Singers who are looking to make their musical dreams come true/up their social media followings come out on stage and bust out a tune. Then if the celebs like the cut of their vocal jib, they press these huge buttons in front of them and their chairs magically spin around.