Mamamia recaps The Challenge: This all feels a bit... sexual.

This week I've been tasked with recapping the oddest show on TV right now. One stuffed with convoluted tasks and way too many influencers.

No, not Love Island Australia. I'm talking about The Challenge. 

This is my first time having to sit through a show and provide commentary that might provide insight on how the episode actually went down – so let's just try get through this f**kery together, okay?!

Watch: The Challenge trailer. Post continues after video. 

Here's what went down tonight on The Challenge.

Those who competed on The Bachelor have formed some sort of alliance and I'm not convinced that's the best game plan. Especially since what they're all best known for is getting... rejected... on national TV?

Like clearly you're not very good at playing the long game, babes. 

The other alliances don't matter because, well, frankly, I don't care enough to remember their names. (Except Cyrell and Johnny. They're partners this time around and I would watch them eat soup for three hours. They're that entertaining.) 

TV Gold. Image: Ten.

First, we saw Billy Dib and Suzan Mutesi leave The Challenge, followed by Jack Vidgen and Audrey Kanongara. Then, last night, we waved goodbye to two contestants we definitely did not underestimate; David Subritzky and Jessica Brody. 

For David's one final act of revenge, he left cucumbers on Cyrell and Emily's beds. Absolutely ZERO context is provided so I won't be expanding further except to say that it feels... sexual.

I feel uncomfortable... Image: Ten.

Speaking of sexual... Konrad and Megan get steamy in the hot tub. Not only is the rest of Australia watching on, but so are the rest of the contestants.

"Wow, good on him," one peeping Tom says. 

"This is actually so weird," says another.

Image: Ten.

But did you also ever think that perhaps watching people dry hump from behind your bedroom curtains is also very weird?

Marley and Tom individually have no alliances – making them lone wolves. But Marley isn't worried. Not at all. Because his game plan is to pretend like he is invisible and while I wish him luck, I do think he should, like, learn to be a bit more proactive.

"Let's let 'em go to war," he says. "And they go to war for another week, whilst we cruise."

Marley's game plan is to... hide. Image: Ten.

The challenges we've seen so far are certainly nothing like Australian Survivor, but it's been sufficing while I wait for a new season. 

However, the next 11 minutes are devoted to a task that makes little to no sense. I'm so confused and the only overwhelming feeling I have watching this is that I want to nap. Right now. At my desk. 

Basically, contestants are required to carry four 45-kilo wine barrels from one spot to another, then climb on top of said wine barrels and light some random flame. They do this four times and the first to finish wins. 

This is unofficially the worst game I've ever had to watch in my life.

And it's not because it's terrible TV, or boring, or a waste of my time. It's because it's all of these things. Simultaneously. 

Brooke tells us her knuckles are torn up and bloody from carrying 45-kilo wine barrels, but I am unaware because I've fallen asleep at my desk. 

Cyrell is saying how she won't give up because she has a child and honestly? I don't buy it. Because I have a theory that this woman absolutely hates the gameplay aspect of this show. 

Just like David, she is only here to do one thing. Cause utter mayhem. 

Probably the most boring challenge I have watched thus far. Image: Ten.

In the end, the show's host Brihony Dawson announces Troy and Emily have taken out the win.

But that's not the most important outcome of this wine barrel fever dream. No, no, no. Because my absolute favourite reality TV stars on this show (and possibly the world) are Johnny and Cyrell. And they've come last. And I'm furious. And disappointed. And I desperately wanted them to win.

I'm hopeful they can bounce back from this during the elimination round considering Emily and Cyrell are besties, but we all know The Challenge is full of surprises. 

Troy wants to have a shot at Ciarran and Emily is desperate to throw her all at the Bachie alliance. Somehow, they are the strongest alliance in the game. I'm not sure how, or why. But it's a crazy world we live in. 

We get to the clubbing part of the episode, which is personally my favourite, because the chance to see sort-of celebrities sit in a fake nightclub is a desire I didn't know I had until it was right there in front of me. 

Megan yells at Emily and Troy for not considering her a threat. 

"I'm obsessed with getting to the final," she tells cameras. "I will do anything. If that means a little bit of manipulation, I'm up for it."

Troy tells Megan he doesn't want to put his #boi Marley up for elimination and she tells him she doesn't give a s**t.

By the time we get to the elimination round, Emily and Troy say they are ready to make a decision. And it surprises absolutely no one because they pick Conor and Megan. 

Megan is PISSED. 

Image: Ten.

For this challenge, the pairs are required to be joined at the hip and feel their way through their container in complete darkness. Basically, they have to memorise the puzzle by only using their sense of touch and then replicate it. 

Yadda, yadda, yadda, this is all so emotional. 

Johnny says he's not worried because he is an underground miner and therefore used to the dark. Cyrell is convinced she has a photographic memory and is therefore superior. 

Megan and Conor are not intimidated.

Image: Ten.

"The most difficult part about this is going into the dark and not feeling Johnny up," says Cyrell. And don't worry, can relate babe. 

Megan tells us she doesn't actually want to beat anyone up in order to win, but we should all still definitely be worried. 

Cyrell and Johnny finish their puzzle first ... but it is wrong. In the end, Conor and Megan take the win – sending Cyrell and Johnny, loves of my literal life home.

Don't mind me, I'll just be here in the corner. Nursing my broken heart. 

Feature Image: Ten.

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