reality tv

GET YOUR HAMMERS OUT: The Block 2019 contestants have just been announced.

We interrupt our usual coverage of dating-specific reality television to bring you reality TV news for the slightly classier bogans among us.

Reality telly-watchers who, instead of enjoying watching people fight at cocktail parties and rose ceremonies, enjoy watching people fight on building sites are about to have months of their lives stolen away from them.

We’re talking about The Block – everyone’s favourite renovation program for largely Scott Cam-related reasons.

Watch the trailer for season 15 below. Post continues after video.

The new season returns in August, and in a strange but very welcome turn of events, Kylie Minogue will be making a guest appearance. Possibly as an undercover tradie, but probably as a judge.

Let’s face it – while watching someone turn a decrepit, crumbling bathroom that looks like it could have doubled as a meth lab at some point into something fit for the pages of Vogue Living is entertaining and all – but there’s only one real reason we watch The Block.

Tantrums. Specifically big ones that culminate with someone throwing a hammer.

(But not hitting anyone, obviously).

Here is a list of the couples who will be refurbishing St Kilda’s The Oslo, courtesy of Channel 9, including an investigation into who we suspect might be the biggest tantrum-throwers based on… literally nothing.

Behold:

Tess and Luke

Here we have 28-year-old Tess and 30-year-old Luke, a media sales partner and carpenter from Cairns, Queensland. Sure, they look like a sweet, bubbly couple, but Luke appears to have confused a piece of metal for a guitar which could be the source of their first fight.

We also know the recently-married couple have attempted to get on The Block four times, and are self confessed “stubborn competitors with a drive to get things done”.

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We’re going to put them in the maybe pile.

Sir, that's not what that's... for. Image: Nine.

Elise and Matt

39-year-old Matt and 33-year-old fashion manager Elise are giving us potential tantrum vibes.

Purely based on the fact that Elise is wearing a pencil skirt and pumps with her tool belt which is not appropriate attire for building houses and a very likely reason for a fight/tantrum to break out.

But they also have kids, and parents are usually far better at handling high-pressure situations, so we can't be sure.

This seems like a safety hazard but OK. Image: Nine.
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Elise and Matt are still in the maybe pile.

Jesse and Mel

Real estate agent Jessie, 29, and contracts administrator Mel, 31, from Melbourne don't look at all like the tantrum types.

But is this a red herring? They are wearing red so yes, we believe it could be.

They've been together three years, and have "obsessively dreamed" about being on the show. Jesse even bid at auction last season, helping Hans and Courtney with their resulting profit.

They are also in the maybe pile.

We're onto you. Image: Nine.

Mitch and Mark

Mitch and Mark - aged 56 and 57 - have been together for 14 years, and have been flipping properties for years.

“We are just so different, but somehow, it works,” says Mark, allegedly the "sensible one", while Mitch is the "enthusiastic" one, according to Nine.

The self-confessed "stylish Grandads" from Sydney seem far too mature and put-together to throw tantrums. But again, who can be sure? They have made the list.

Grandads don't throw tantrums... or do they? Image: Nine.
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Andy and Deb

Again - very  hard to tell with these two, aged 48 and 46. We do know Andy is a stand-up comedian, so if they do have a fight, it will probably be funny, which we would very much like to see.

Will you fight for us or no? Image: Nine.

So in conclusion, we strongly suspect each and every one of this year's The Block contestants will throw at least one tantrum at some point in the season.

And we can't bloody wait for it.

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