reality tv

Just six other reality shows we'd love to see our favourite MAFS contestants set fire to.


We’d be lying if we said there weren’t certain King Ding-a-Lings we’ve been missing from our TV screens lately.

Let’s face it – weeknights just haven’t been the same since MAFS ended.

Weeknights used to mean the potential of seeing someone seriously injured and/or jailed on national television. Now we have to actually talk to our housemates when we get home from work and it’s just not as fun.

Plus, with the absence of MAFS we have a lot less to talk about in our daily lives and it’s reminding us just how socially inept we are.

It’s… alarming.

With the recent whispers that former Married at First Sight stars Cyrell and Liz have been considered for a Simple Life spin off (which sounds friggen amazing if you ask us), we’ve decided to compile a list of other reality TV shows we’d find sick pleasure in seeing the most extra contestants light fire to.

Because while we still don’t really understand how some crafty producer managed to conjure up such an explosion of  personalities in one show, leaving us utterly emotionally exhausted, we want… more.

Yes – this year’s MAFS contestants are like a drug to us and we need our fix.

Here’s how we see our cravings being satisfied:

Mick Gould in Farmer Wants a Wife. 

Mick Gould finally fulfilling his desire to wear an Akubra at all times on Farmer Wants a Wife is something Australia simply needs to see.

Remember when Mick wandered around a maze clutching his Akubra in the MAFS promo? Remember?

We see it going down like this:

After offending the majority of the contestants with his gruff mannerisms, potty mouth and inability to refer to them by anything other than "old mate", he meets the perfect woman.

Her idea of the perfect date is eating cheese off a bath towel with no shoes on, and she doesn't mind that he calls her family R-rated expletives.


True love.

Never forget.

Cyrell Paule as the rogue judge on every reality show ever.

We all know instilling fear in the contestants of reality show competitions makes for bonza television.

What would MasterChef even be without the sheer terror that Matt Preston might look down his cravat at an aspiring chef before muttering "disgusting"? Or Simon Cowell shattering a hopeful musician with one look?

One who starts fights with her fellow judges, who isn't afraid to call out contestants on their bullsh*t, and one who can deliver zingers at the drop of a hat.


Cyclone Cyrell is the answer.

cyrell mafs
Vote 1 Cyrell. Image via Channel 9.

Who on Australian television has more spice than her?

Frankly, there isn't enough red wine being thrown around on the The Voice stage if you ask us.

Bring in Cyrell, we beg of you.

Jessika Power in Yummy Mummies.

Imagine Jessika Power stealing real husbands from actual pregnant women and mothers. 



It makes... so much sense. Image: Seven.

Two words: television gold.

Martha Kalifatidis in The Real Housewives of Sydney. 

You just know this is Martha's endgame, right?

Let's speed up the process.

Someone get her a footy player boyfriend and a mansion in the suburbs, stat.

(When Keeping up with the Kardashians ends, of course).

Casually watching a cat fight unfold while wearing a pink pimp hat is a Real Housewives flex if we've ever seen one.

Mike Gunner as an expert on Married at First Sight. 

Mike coming back to MAFS as an expert is just the kind of plot twist we need.

...We also need someone to yell at on our television screens every night as an emotional punching bag of sorts.

He has the condescending tone down pat, plus he's already an expert on literally everything, haven't you heard?

"Tell me, have you been intimate?"

Picture him sitting on that couch, telling contestants he's not their therapist as they exchange confused looks before he shouts back at them they're all being crazy.

One word: priceless.

Bonus ratings if Bachelor in Paradise's Bill Goldsmith comes on as a contestant. That's just the kind of televised sh*t storm we need in our lives.

Susie Bradley in Supernanny.

She's a mum (with a daughter named Baby in case you need reminding) who has the natural instinct to scream at people until they cry.


So if you're looking to terrify your child into submission: she's your gal.

If the purple suit fits... Image: Foxtel.

A disclaimer to the families out there seeking the help of Supernanny Susie: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SPLENDA.

Ines Basic/Sam Ball in The Great Australian Bake Off. 

With all the cupcake references you just know this would totally be their jam.


mafs ines and sam
Snacks. Tasty snacks.

Plus any reality TV show featuring Ines is pretty much guaranteed to include at least one screaming match, and we're not saying we want to see her in a stoush with Maggie Beer... but we definitely wouldn't change the channel.

So please; somebody, anybody make at least one of these happen.

We won't even take credit on the condition Cyclone Cyrell makes a guest appearance in every episode.

It's what the people want.