Sophie Cachia was in a supermarket queue when she realised she was attracted to women.

Sophie Cachia had the perfect life. 

She thought so, her family thought so, and her fans followed along with eager eyes, watching every moment she shared with her husband and kids. 

And while she "didn't want to be the woman that walked away from the perfect family", she knew that there was something deep down inside of her that was going to find its way out, somehow, sometime. 

And that something was triggered by one chance meeting in the middle of a totally normal work day. A chance meeting where Sophie met HER.

Watch the trailer for HER by Sophie Cachia. Post continues after video.

Now, in her brand new podcast, HER with Sophie Cachia, Sophie speaks to women from all walks of life about the moment they met their HER. But she wanted to start with her own story.

Sophie's story begins when she was building her life with her ex-husband Jaryd Cachia.

"When I met my ex-husband, there was one word to describe it: Instant. It was meant to be for so many reasons. Sure, we were young, and we went through hiccups and we made our mistakes, but we always managed to communicate and get through.

"Fast forward a few years and I fall pregnant at 22. He was going to be a 21-year-old dad, and he just embraced that. Then we get to our mid-twenties and I want to get married. I want to marry that man. I wanted the same last name as my son. I wanted to become a family.

"Looking back now, that sounds so silly to me – because we were a family. And families come in all different dynamics. But the Sophie back then saw marriage as the end goal."

So that's what they did. Jaryd and Sophie tied the knot, with Sophie famously opting for a jet black ball gown to say I do. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Sophie Shaw (@sophiecachia_)

"We got married, and it was perfect. We were so happy. It was a fairytale."

But after a more difficult time falling pregnant with their second child, something started to shift. Questions that had never popped into Sophie's head before were suddenly front of mind.

"When I fell pregnant with my second child and I told Jaryd, he was so happy. He had tears in his eyes. But, if I'm honest, in that moment, something switched in me. I don't think I've spoken about it before, but I do believe I suffered severe pre-natal anxiety and pre-natal depression. Did I really want this stay-at-home life? Looking back now, I was struggling with identity.

"I was on cloud nine when little Florence arrived. When I birthed her, I birthed all the pain and stress out of my body. But then these feelings started to creep in."

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Sophie Shaw (@sophiecachia_)

"It wasn't anything about women when it started. It was about me, and how I was feeling. And again, those feelings of 'is this it?' were just pounding at my head. I couldn't get rid of them. I spoke to Jaryd about all of this, and we would have many conversations dissecting it together."

But none of the conversations could have prepared her for what was next. 

"I want to take you to a moment," Sophie explains. "It wasn't long after the birth of my daughter, Florence. I was so in love, and in my baby bubble, but I was feeling overwhelmed and going to work one night, and then I met... her."

Sophie shares that this meeting felt like thousands of sparks running through her body at once. It was electric, but she didn't know why it felt so good. 

"I shook her hand and I couldn't look into her eyes. I was flustered, and my palms were sweaty. But I just wanted to talk to her, and I wanted to be around her. I met a woman who I was instantly attracted to. As a straight woman, I had never had this level of attraction to anyone before, let alone a woman.

"My eyes gazed up and down her biceps, up and down her very masculine, veiny hands, and I just had these sexual images in my head. And I'm trying to concentrate here, I'm here for work, but I don't know what's happening. Like, why am I attracted to this girl's veiny hands and chewed-down nails?!"

Sophie explains that she wanted to put a stopper in these feelings immediately, but she didn't know how. There was no off switch.

"My mind, my energy, my vagina were all going 'ALERT ALERT' and I was so confused."

Looking back now, she knows that she was meant to bump into her for a reason – even if it made zero sense to her at the time.

"In my relationship, in my marriage, I had never looked at anyone else – certainly not in this way. But it was as if someone had put her in front of me to get me to say, 'What the hell is my life?'"

While she was trying to unpack the noise in her mind, Sophie couldn't help but be drawn to her. It was a magnetic and all-consuming connection – one that she simply couldn't hide from her husband. 

"It got to a point where Jaryd was well aware of how I was feeling about this woman, and I was just like 'I need to kiss her' because I truly thought if I just do it, and I kiss her, this feeling would be gone. It would go away."

Sophie and Jaryd discussed what a physical interaction with her would mean for the two of them – their relationship dynamic, their trust, and their future. But after talking it out, they agreed that something had to happen.

"With Jaryd's full permission and understanding, I did have a sexual experience with that woman."

This was Sophie's first time with a woman. 

"It was just going to be a life experience. Something I really wanted to tick off," Sophie justified to herself. "I wasn't doing anything behind my husband's back, so morally I was fine. She was aware of the openness of the situation, so it was just meant to be a really fun life experience."

"I had completely convinced myself that this was just going to be a bit of fun, a harmless experience, and I would just go back to my life with my husband and kids straight after."

But as her friends had tried to warn her, that was a dangerous assumption to make. 

Her feelings didn't disappear once she had got her out of her system. A kiss didn't cure her obsession. Sex didn't stave off any other fantasies. In fact, they just unlocked a whole new set of desires.

Even though Sophie was convinced her lust was just after her, the morning after they had sex, she started noticing other women too. 

"After that night my feelings became more conscious to me. They became more aware. I recall standing in the supermarket line and in the next aisle to me, I saw this beachy girl – she was tanned, wearing little denim shorts and a crop top. Straight away I noticed she didn't have a bra on.

"These invasive, sexual thoughts about women just started coming. And they have not stopped."

These feelings about being with women were relentless. She couldn't go a day without them pounding about her head. Which left Sophie with a conundrum.

"While I was well aware of my feelings and where my body wanted to go, I was also aware of the life I had created and the promises I had made. I had a gorgeous, loving, dedicated husband and two wonderful children – and we really did have a great relationship. We had, on both sides, huge families, and interconnected friendship groups – everyone knew 'Sophie and Jaryd'. So it was scary and almost impossible for me to imagine that not existing."

But she had to make a decision. Blow her life up and explore these feelings or stick with the 'perfect' life she had made for herself and potentially "live an unfulfilled, unauthentic life where I could become miserable and push my husband away".

As you can expect, it was an exceptionally hard choice – one with massive ramifications either way. Sophie says, "I didn't want to be the woman that walked away from the perfect family," but she also felt like she didn't really have a choice. 

"I didn't choose this to happen to my life. I didn't wake up one morning and flip the lesbian light switch. These feelings, I believe, were always inside me. This is who I was meant to be my entire life."

So she chose to do the hard thing. To blow up her life and her marriage and potentially cause pain to the family dynamic she had spent so long nurturing. 

"I knew I was going to disappoint a lot of people," Sophie states with a saddened tone. 

But it was something she had to do. Sooner rather than later. 

"I knew I was throwing a grenade into my own life and not knowing when it was going to go off. But I also knew that if I didn't throw the grenade, it was going to go off in my hand."

You can listen to more of Sophie's story in HER with Sophie Cachia, which launches today and drops new episodes every week. 

Feature Image: Instagram.

TAKE SURVEY ➤