couples

"I thought my marriage was over after I caught my husband cheating. Now I want him back."

For most couples, cheating is the ultimate act of betrayal in a relationship.

It’s difficult to imagine ever forgiving your loved one for the hurt, loss and devastation that comes with the discovery of infidelity.

But in reality, these situations can often be much more complicated than just packing your bag and leaving your partner immediately.

There may be children involved, financial issues that have to be considered, or simply but importantly that you love your partner and have faith that they can and want to change.

A woman by the name of Bettsy123 has taken to Mumsnet to seek advice after she discovered her husband’s infidelity, asking if she should “take [my] cheating husband back?”

She explains that her husband, who has been working in another country, not only cheated on her when she was seven months pregnant with his child, but that he’s actually had multiple affairs.

“He had been away for a matter of weeks when he had cheated on me,” she wrote. “He had two one night stands and slept with another woman on more than one occasion.”

She added that when she discovered the affairs and confronted her husband, he “denied everything and continued to lie.” But he was eventually forced to “come clean” as she had been contacted by a woman he was cheating with.

“I was sure that the marriage was over. I told my family and friends what he had done,” Bettsy123 wrote.

Mumsnet cheating husband
A Mumsnet user asks if she should take back her cheating husband. Image: Mumsnet.
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But the birth of their daughter has changed everything for the woman.

“I saw him after her birth for a few days so he could meet her and spend time with her before he had to go back abroad,” she said.

“I expected to hate him, or to feel nothing. But I still love him and want to be with him.

"Saying goodbye to him this time was harder then when he first went and before he cheated."

The woman acknowledged that her "hormones will be everywhere with just having had the baby" but now "really wants to give it another go."

“I am going to take my time and see how I feel over the next few weeks and see what effort he puts in,” the woman concluded, before adding a question that anyone who has ever been cheated on has had to confront:  “It will be so difficult. And what if the reality of it is terrible?”

Listen: Mia Freedman interviews expert Esther Perel on why people cheat. Post continues after...

By and large, most people had the same response to Bettsy123: Don't take him back.

"No, I wouldn't ever take him back. He cheated and lied and you'll never really trust him again in the same way as you did before," one user said.

"He doesn’t love you, he is selfish. Why would you want to be with someone that treats you like that, with such disregard and disrespect," another commented.

"I wouldn't, it wasn't just a one-off and these are only the ones you know about... there's probably more. You deserve better and so does the baby."

But there were a few users who seemed to understand the woman's desire to make her marriage work, but observed it would be hard work.

"Congratulations on your baby girl. I actually think that it is possible to move forward after infidelity. Takes a lot of work from both sides to reestablish trust. Marriage counselling can help. Good luck with everything," one offered.

Would you take back a cheating partner? Why or why not? Let us know in the comments below. 

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