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'These are the 15 questions my husband and I asked before deciding on a third baby.'

Are you thinking about expanding your family? Unsure if it’s the right decision right now or even at all?

After much debate, my husband Jase and I have finally taken the plunge and decided to expand our family from two kids to three kids. I am pregnant now with baby number three and I’ll tell you, for Jase this wasn’t an easy decision. Jase is one of two and I am one of three, so he grew up always wanting two kids and I always wanted three.

I couldn’t imagine not giving my kids that extra sibling, I just loved the dynamic I had growing up. I love that I have two brothers and am still very close with them, and I always wanted the same for my family. Jase was the more practical one, thinking about our finances, the madness we already have in our house and being outnumbered.

“My partner doesn’t want to have kids, should I leave?” Mia Freedman, Holly Wainwright and Jessie Stephens answer this listener’s dilemma on Mamamia Out Loud. 

Listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud here.

For some people, like me, they just know how many children they want and what will make their family feel complete. However, for others, once they have had one child, this idea of perfection can change very quickly. Maybe you thought you always wanted three but you didn’t fully realise how hard raising a family would be and don’t think you could survive another baby running around. Maybe your partner refuses to have another child, maybe you had a traumatising labour and are unsure if you can go through that again, maybe you can’t afford another child, the list goes on.

So I want to help you with some important factors to think about when making this choice. That’s why Jase I and talked through these 15 questions before making our decision:

  1. What do you want your future to look like?
  2. Are you prepared for all the hard work again?
  3. Can you financially support another child?
  4. Will you have the time for another child?
  5. Are you and your partner on the same page?
  6. Will your marriage/relationship with your partner survive another child?
  7. Can your lifestyle accommodate another child?
  8. Is your house and car big enough?
  9. Is your body able to go through another pregnancy and labour?
  10. How will your other children respond to another siblings?
  11. What age gap do you want between siblings?
  12. Are you and your partner too old for another child?
  13. Have you considered the extra cost when going on holidays?
  14. Will you regret not having another baby?
  15. Do you really want to have another baby?

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I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that another baby doesn’t scare me, because it does. My two children Harper and Paxton are incredibly energetic kids. Plus we have a dog. We absolutely have our hands full already. Financially, I’m sure we will be stretched too. Jase and I made this decision together, as we knew we would not feel complete without adding this extra addition to our family. We know it will be hard but we also know that it will be totally worth it and we are up for the challenge.

Once we made the decision that we were going to have another baby, we then needed to decide when. For me, it was all about the pregnancy and building up the courage to go through that incredibly terrible morning sickness again. It was also the unknown of how long will it take for us to fall pregnant as we had such different experiences between Harper and Pax.

But to us, after surviving an 18 month gap with the first two, we felt like we could do anything. The age gap will be 4.5 years between Harper and the new baby and just under 3 years between Paxton and the new baby. Personally I think there are pros and cons for every age gap. There is no right and wrong. So do what is right for your family and I am sure you will make it work.

 

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Whatever your individual situation may be, it’s clear that bringing another child into this world is one of the biggest decisions you will make. It may feel like another child changes everything, or it might seem like another baby fits perfectly into your family, and fills in the little pieces that were missing.

Just make sure not to get wrapped up in the excitement of the cute things a new baby will bring, but truly think about the longevity of this decision. This decision will change your life forever. Good luck!

How did you decide if you were ready for another baby? Tell us in the comments section below. 

Mel Ritterman is a qualified dog trainer and mum-of-two. You can find more information about Mel on her website Cooper and Kids, or follow her on Instagram or Facebook. You can also head to her Online Shop to check out all of our amazing goodies for mums, kids and dogs.

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