On a lonely lockdown night last week, I asked my Instagram followers a question: ‘What’s something you wish you knew about sex when you were younger?'
Now, if we had a time machine, I’m sure we’d all go back and drag ourselves away from the people with a mattress on the floor, navy blue sheets and one pillow on the bed - but it goes beyond that. There are fundamental things that young people should know before they experience sex in all of its many forms.
When I was reflecting on the question myself, I could think of three big things that I wish teenage Lucy knew.
...Now this doesn't mean that these three nuggets in of themselves would have solved all sexual woes, but they would have been a damn good platform to dive into sex from.
1. I wish I knew that my pleasure was important.
No one ever told me that sex was also about me. School taught me that sex was for procreation, and that the goal is male ejaculation and it was my job to make that happen. For years I was a prop for other people’s pleasure. No orgasms, no receiving of foreplay... just, penetration. And it took me a long time to realise that sex is a much more encompassing word to describe a whole range of sexual experiences, not just P in V, and that I was just as important as my partner.
2. I wish I knew that sex can be fun, and funny, there might be some noises and you might bump heads.
For the first few years of sexual activity, I performed. I just wanted to be sexy, like the women I'd seen in porn and movies. But the reality is... sex isn’t always sexy. There are queefs, misc fluids, positions that just don’t work, awkward silences, accidents, and laughing. So much laughing. We’re literally naked, sweaty people putting ourselves in pretzel-like positions. Things are bound to deviate from the plan, and you have to be able to laugh.