'I went to a matchmaker to find love. She rejected me.'

Relationships can be tricky. But you know what else can be difficult? Getting into one.

You could do everything the "right way" to find a partner. Get on the apps, go to happy hour at every bar in your city, do a few speed dating rounds, ask to be set up by friends and even reach out to former flings on the off chance they're the 'one who got away'.

You could also just go down the matchmaker route. After all, it's much better to rely on someone whose literal job is to get you into a relationship. 

You might even say it's the perfect plan.

But for content creator and business owner Danielle Fewings, bringing in an expert to help with her dating life was far from perfect after hiring – and then essentially being fired by – a professional matchmaker. 

Watch: MM Confessions: My weirdest date. Post continues after video. 

Video via Mamamia.

The 38-year-old shared her experience on TikTok, telling users she had met with the unnamed professional matchmaker for a consultation.

Immediately, Danielle shared what she was looking for. 

"I told her I was looking for someone who was at or above the same income level as me, [someone who is] driven, who is ambitious, who is ready for a long-term relationship and ready to get married," she explained in the now-viral clip. "She may have picked up on the fact that I'm a little high-strung. I'm not, like, a stressed-out or anxious person, I'm just high energy or type A. This is who I am."


She also shared her "core qualities", confessing she could not date a "beta-type man".

@danielle.fewings Rejected by a matchmaker. I guess dating is just that hopeless in 2023. Maybe dating wont suck in 2024. #matchmaking #matchmakingtiktok #toxicdating #toxicdatingadvice #datinginyour30s #datingover30 ♬ original sound - Danielle Fewings

"I'm very, very type A, organised [and] I like to be the leader. But I told her I was looking for a man who was also a leader because I don't want to always be the leader, believe it or not," she continued. 

The matchmaker didn't share any concerns initially, but there were a few questions that threw Danielle off. 

"She was asking me [if] I meditate? No. Do I journal? No. Do anything woo-woo? And I said, 'No,'" she recalled. "I'm not even on the same planet as woo-woo. It's just not me."

And when Danielle and the expert began discussing what qualities wouldn't work for her in a relationship, things turned sour.

"I said I could never really date a beta-type man," she explained. "I specifically used the word 'doormat'. I said, 'I would chew them up and spit them out,' and her response was, 'Well, I married that type of man.'

"She was saying that men really like a soft woman and that I should try some of these vision board, journalling, and meditating type of things, [but] I could never be that type of person."

Danielle's experience didn't get better. In fact, the matchmaker told her she had "some walls up" – something Danielle felt was more than fair, considering she was spending $350 to figure out if she wanted to continue with the expert.


"I'm coming to meet a woman who I'm asking to find my future husband, at the rate of several thousand dollars, so of course I'm going to be here, really just trying to interview you, because I want to know if I'm going to get my money's worth," she recalled thinking. 

"I think it's perfectly normal to have walls up when you are meeting someone for the first time."

Nevertheless, Danielle asked the matchmaker if she thought she could see her as a client.

"Her response was, essentially, that I am 'not ready' for her types of services because I have too much work to do, my walls are too high [and] I am not ready for a long-term committed relationship at the ripe age of 38," she shared. 

Danielle ended her story by criticising the matchmaker for labelling her as unworthy of love.

"She also said that she is too woo-woo for me, which I can accept. However, I shouldn't need to be a woo-woo type of person to be worthy of love. She also said that I need to soften a little bit and that men like a softer woman," she continued. 

"Essentially, I spent $350 to meet with this woman and have her tell me I am not worthy of love."

We asked Nahum Kozak, a senior psychologist at Lighthouse Relationships, what he tbhought about the situation, and he told us that while the matchmaker was well within their rights to draw a boundary with a potential client, he felt there were some "generalisations" she'd made.


"They are unhelpful generalisations and they're unfair," said Kozak. 

"The matchmaker says that 'men want women to be softer'. That's a gendered comment. Some people like partners that come across as strong and others don't. There's a full spectrum of people's preference for strength and softness in their partner; it's not all one way or all the other, regardless of gender."

But at the same time, argued Kozak, the matchmaker was right to point out that the "services she offers likely won't be successful".

"You wouldn’t be upset if you went to a Tesla dealership and asked for a petrol car and they said, 'Sorry we can’t help you, we only do electric vehicles,'" he noted.

Since the video sent viral, Danielle has updated her followers to let them know she's found a matchmaker that she's excited to work with. 

"After my viral video, I had a few matchmakers reach out to me and I had also had in the pipeline a few other appointments from ones that I had researched," she said in a new video, adding that one company wanted to charge $25,000.

The business she ended up hiring cost her $3,700 with no restrictions on how long it might take to find a partner for Danielle.

"There's no timeline [with this company]," she noted. "They were like, 'We want to find people who are actual true potentials for a long-term relationship.'"

Feature Image: Instagram @daniellefewings

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