This is the best article I've read about dating in years! Thank you! As someone who has been single over a decade, I've heard all the platitudes. From "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" (who kisses someone that they're not attracted to?!) to "you're never gonna meet someone if you're not on them" (the apps) to "X has a partner because she's happy all the time" (no one on the entire planet is happy ALL the time and happiness does not make someone more worthy of love). People have stopped believing that dating is about chance and are outsourcing it like it is another thing on life's to-do list that follows an algorithm like a shopping list or doing your taxes. And no one wins, when we make it into a chore, it just makes us feel like it's one more thing that we are 'failing' at as adults.
A friend once told me that I was her only single friend who didn't do extracurricular hobbies in the evening. She didn't do any of course, but that's because "she was busy with her kids"
We are all outraged by these "as a father" comments made by this man but in my opinion it also really throws a spanner into the "as a mother" conversation that has been defended many times on MMOL. Having reproduced does not give you a monopoly on empathy, compassion and having a moral compass.
Bridgerton didn't make me feel like this, but Normal People did. In a big way. I never had a high school/ university relationship and that show made me incredibly nostalgic and sad for the shy, insecure 20-something young woman I was and the relationships I never allowed myself to have because I didn't have the confidence and the self-belief to be in them.
"Motherhood isn't a favour, and it's not a luxury. It's a job." While I'm not disputing anything in this particular sentence, I was disappointed as it would also have been a perfect place to acknowledge somewhere in this article that motherhood is also a privilege. There are many women, be it through circumstance or infertility, that don't get to experience that privilege and while we of course have empathy for the circumstances of women referred to in articles like this, it seems a little self- indulgent. I 100 % agree that it is criminal that the US does not have federal maternity leave, however the majority of women choose to be mothers. It is a choice that that they are privileged to be able to make, and all choices come with responsibilities and consequences.
Consent is the presence of an enthusiastic 'yes' not just the absence of a 'no'. You never owe anybody anything after a drink, a kiss, a visit to their house etc. 'Freeze' is now becoming more accepted as a third trauma response (after fight and flight) although we still have a way to go to educate society about this.
Really well written article. When it comes to cases like this "porn culture" has to be brought into the conversation. We had a case similar to this one in Ireland three years ago dubbed by the media "The Belfast Rugby Rape trial" I remember the term "spit-roasted" being used in text messages released to the court and thinking that no human being gets up one morning and naturally and spontaneously thinks "I want to do that tonight". That idea has to be put into one's head from somewhere. Whether we want to admit it or not, porn (and often violent porn) is where most men are getting their sexual education. It always has consequences (sometimes quite dire consequences) and it has to be discussed and brought into the conversation.
We don't live to work anymore, we work to live. And also, most of us have had manners ingrained into us from the time we could talk so I really don't think it's unreasonable that we expect to be thanked and acknowledged when we do a good job in the work place.