In today’s edition of “things you probably didn’t pick up when innocently watching ABC Kids in your youth” we bring you a spicy fan theory about everyone’s favourite red-headed postman.
And it’ll change the way you watch the show forever.
Remember Postman Pat? The lovable dude who pootled around in his van with his cat and delightfully British manner?
Just look at the cheery little fella:
And here’s the original opening credits if you’d like to have the theme song stuck in your head until the end of days. (Post continues after).
It turns out Pat might’ve been delivering much more than just mail from his sack (we’re… so sorry).
Many believe the unassuming postman was actually a bit of a ~playa~, who rolled around town offering an intimate service above and beyond that of the Royal Mail, complete with some, erm, powerfully dominant genes.
You see, Postman Pat is the only older, red-headed male in the town. He’s also extremely popular with the townsfolk… And he just so happens to bear a strong resemblance to every single child in the local school.
Yep – fans are certain Pat has populated the entire town of Greendale with teeny-tiny red-headed, long-nosed mail enthusiasts unbeknownst to the oblivious husbands among them.
We see you, Pat, you saucy, saucy minx.
The theory comes thanks to Twitter user Dinneen Dictionary, who certifiably blew minds across the whole damn world with his deduction back in 2016.
Behold his banger theory, in pictures:
Postman Pat is the ONLY red head in Greendale.
— Dinneen’s Dictionary ???? (@AnDuinnineach) December 31, 2016