The Poodle versus Wolf theory still stands. You're either one or the other.

You're either a poodle or a wolf, according to comedian Jessi Klein.

She first presented the theory back in 2016 - but we're confident it still stands. And we'll tell you why. 

But first. An overview of the theory. 

In her book, 'You'll Grow Out Of It', Klein, who was at the time writing for Saturday Night Live, tells the story of when she and her colleague Emily were walking past the set of the show and saw Angelina Jolie sitting down to be interviewed by Larry King. 

The pair were agog at how ethereal and feminine she was to behold in person. 

Emily said: "Isn't it amazing that we're the same species as she is?"

Watch: How to be a woman in 2023. Story continues below.

Video via Mamamia.

And it got Klein thinking - maybe we're the same species - but just with absolutely none of the same characteristics. Two completely different animals that share the same intrinsic genetic makeup. Thus, the Poodle versus Wolf theory was born.

Let's breakdown the characteristics of each - and then you can decide - which one are you? 

Poodle Characteristics:

  • Poodles are confident.

  • Poodles are always late.

  • Poodles laugh a lot.

  • Poodles always wear matching bras and underwear.

  • Poodles lose their virginity in high school.

Wolf Characteristics:

  • Wolves need to eat more than poodles do (both larger amounts and more frequently).

  • Wolves wear lip balm.

  • Wolves can't deal with thongs.

  • Wolves sweat a lot.

  • Wolves are funny.

  • Wolves show up 10 minutes early to everything and are always the first ones there and then have to fake a conversation on their cell phones so they look like they know other human beings on this earth.

  • Wolves usually own two bras total and neither of them matches their tattered old Gap underwear.

  • Wolves lose their virginity during their junior year of college at the very earliest.

At the time it caused quite a stir. In fact our very own Mia Freedman wrote about it. For the record, she identifies as a poodle through and through. 

Freedman also agreed with Klein's important note that the theory is not about beauty, but rather about essense. 


Klein wrote in her memoir: "They are not necessarily the most beautiful women or even the prettiest; they just seem, without trying at all, to always be in sync with their yin quality (that's the girl one, right?), like an iPhone in constant communication with its cloud."

Klein also feels that Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley and Kate Moss are poodles, whereas Sandra Bullock, Helena Bonham Carter and Jennifer Aniston are wolves.

So, as I said, the theory still stands - albeit with a dash of nuance mixed in.

So much has happened over the past seven years that has shaped how women exist and are viewed in society. Just one year after the theory was penned, the #metoo movement was born, which was a huge step forward for women's rights and will go down in the annals of history as a defining moment for feminism.

Of course this theory is entirely subjective and ultimately a bit of fun so it should be treated as such! But when we make commentary about women - whether it be light-hearted or not - it's important to make sure we are creating a conversation that allows for all the layers of the female experience.

For example, I think I'm a Poodle/Wolf-Rising. On paper I fit the characteristics of a poodle and yet I don't inherently feel ultra feminine in the way Angelina Jolie might. I'm rough around the edges and I don't apologise for being me.

Let’s just say I'm a poodle who hasn't had her curls coiffed in a while. 

Which one are you? Tell us in the comments. 

Feature Image: Getty

Calling All Australian Women! We want to hear from you in this skincare survey. Complete it now and go in the running to win one of four $100 gift vouchers!