It’s a known fact that the worst part about being an adult is work emails.
Like sure, you can eat cereal for dinner without anyone telling you off but you also have to go back and forth with Barbara for DAYS spouting “per my last email” and “as discussed” and it’s PURE TORTURE.
Because you can’t just come out and tell Barbara she’s an idiot with comprehension issues. Obviously, work emails require a certain level of professionalism and we all know what that means: Lots of “No, no, it’s fine!” through gritted teeth and a strong, strong need to avoid direct confrontation.
Work emails: Translated. Post continues below video.
Your work inbox is literally a breeding ground for passive-aggressiveness. In order to get anything done, you must resort to some truly insane sentences that you’d never ever say in everyday life.
No one in the history of the world has left a real-life conversation with the words ‘kind regards’.
If you’re new to work emails, or… not as cynical as the rest of us, you can be forgiven for thinking someone actually does hope you are well. On the surface emails from colleagues seem polite – kind, even – but dig a little deeper and you’ll see their “:)” for what it really is: Pure rage.
On the latest episode of Mamamia Out Loud Mia Freedman, Holly Wainwright and Jessie Stephens discuss the email phrases you definitely shouldn’t be using. Post continues below.
“Per my last email” is corporate code for “open your god damn eyes and read, Barbara.”
It’s time we truly acknowledge our go-to email lines for what they are: pass-ag AF.
Twitter user Delia Paunescu realised how strange this phenomenon is and asked her followers to share “most insufferable work gibberish phrases.”
- “I’m a little confused” = WTFFFFF
- “I’ve attached another copy for your convenience” = don’t even pretend like you haven’t seen it
- “I’m sorry, my last email/statement wasn’t clear” = are you stupid or did you deliberately ignore what I said?
- “I hope this helps” = never, ever ask me again
- “Thanks for your feedback” = I could not give less of a f*** about what you just said
- “Per my last email” = Can you read?
- “As previously discussed” = I guess an actual conversation is too hard for you to understand huh?
- “I have cc’d…” = Your boss is watching lol try me now
- “Just circling back on this” = GET OFF FACEBOOK AND ANSWER ME GOD DAMN IT
- “Just a few things” = Wow, where do I begin with this sh*t show?
- “Has the policy recently changed?” = You could not be more wrong
- “Let me know your thoughts” = I don’t care what you think
- “It’s on my radar” = I’m purposely ignoring you
- “As you’re aware” = Don’t pretend you forgot
- “Happy Friday!” = I want to be at the pub
- “Friendly reminder” = Nothing is friendly about this
- “Thanks in advance” = Lol there’s no way you’re getting out of this
- “Regards” = *waves middle finger in your face*
- “Warmest regards” = There is an especially hot area of hell with your name on it
And so on, over and over, until we retire. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Feature image: Getty.