“Judged”, “insecure”, “upset” and “pressured”.
These are words that shouldn’t be associated with a person trained and employed to support mothers and parents of newborns, many of whom are new mothers and parents. But unfortunately for members of this mothers’ group, these were accurate descriptions of their Maternal Child Health Nurse (MCHN) who also facilitated their group.
At a time when mothers are already dealing with sleep deprivation, a heightened emotional state, fluctuating hormones, post baby delivery wounds and countless other challenges of a new baby, having the unwavering and dependable support of those around you is critical. Having this from a person whose job it is to provide this for mother’s and families of newborns should be a given but in the case of a friend of mine, her experience and those of other mothers in her mothers’ group was far from positive.
Over five years on, this is something that still strikes a nerve within her and the other women who had this particular MCHN.
“I felt judged as a mother each time I went to one of the appointments,” *Bridget told me. “I would leave every session in tears.”
For Bridget and every one of the women in this group I spoke with, this was their first baby. For many women within the group their particular family situations put them in the position where extra support would have been more than warranted.
There was a single mother, young mother, a mother of twins and a mother of a premature baby. Not that this puts them in the category of not being as capable as any other mothers, but for most MCHNs, I am sure it would prompt some sort of diligence to ensure that they were coping as best as they could. But rather than be assured, encouraged and assisted, they were made to feel judged by the way they were spoken to and the advice they were provided.
For the majority of cases our MCHN do an incredible job, unfortunately, like in any profession, there are some individuals who do not. For these intelligent, extraordinary and caring mothers they were dealt the bad hand and its impacts are still felt within them today.
*Maggie told me her experience with this MCHN made her always feel anxious.
“She would always find something wrong with my son. A non-existent lazy eye, delays in what milestones he should be achieving, there was always something that was not right,” Maggie said.