I don’t know who I am anymore.
My life consists of putting everyone else first. Their needs, their happiness. But who is putting my needs first or my happiness?
My days are just a routine of school runs and cleaning up around everyone. No one offers to help, I have to nag to get anything done, and in turn I become the dragon woman.
I don’t really talk to anyone. I never realised how lonely I was until recently. I never realised how much I wasn’t myself anymore until I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.
And yet this is all too common as women. As mothers. We give every bit of who we are and what makes us happy in order to please others. We take the back seat until eventually we become unrecognisable, and then we get told we have changed.
We stare at our reflection trying to find just a small part of the person we once were. That’s the beauty of marriage and children: you unintentionally become selfless, sometimes so much so that you as a person become non-existent.
I can’t remember the last time I was happy. I mean really happy. I love my family more than anything, but I’m not happy. Gosh, I can’t remember the last time I felt some sort of emotion other than sadness and stress.
Maybe it’s because my needs are no longer met, and yet I feel bad for even just saying that - as if that’s just how it is meant to be. As if I’m not even a person - an individual or someone that matters.