'I'm a mum and an etiquette expert. These are the only 5 manners you need to teach your kids.'

With all the modern world's clever technological advances, we sometimes think we are incredibly advanced. But I think some things were simply better in the past: I'm talking specifically about good old-fashioned manners. This is especially important for teaching the next generation about how to behave in public and with other people. 

As a mum and etiquette coach, these are my five top tips for modern manners that I believe we all still need - both kids and adults.

1. Lying to get out of a social gathering is bad manners.

Gone are the days you can just say, 'Yeah sure, I'll be there' and do a no-show. Your friends and colleagues aren't just going to call or message you privately to find out what happened, they're also turning to social media to call you out publicly.

Watch: Five 'polite' habits restaurant staff secretly hate. Post continues below.

Playing the 'I'm sick' card when you're not will always backfire largely due to social media. When you decline an invitation for a better option, either you or your friends will post about it on their social media, exposing your lie and damaging your friendship.

When you've been caught out, the best thing to do is own it. Any explanation, however detailed, isn't going to go down well because feelings have been hurt. It's more beneficial to apologise and ask for forgiveness.

To avoid this conflict in the future, keep it honest, short and sweet: 'I want to support you though I just have a lot on right now', or 'Today's not good for me, let's do it another time', or 'I'm sorry, that's just not my thing'. 

2. A phone at the table, or multi-tasking by being on your phone and being half present, is bad manners.

Today's generation have grown up with and thrive on devices, apps and social media. In a world where we are so digitally connected, we are also experiencing heightened levels of anxiety, depression and disconnection from our family, friends and colleagues. Online consumption and extended periods of time on our devices impacts our ability to actually connect in the real world.

A big manners problem we all fall prey to, is being on our phone whilst in the company of others. Whether it's messaging partway through a conversation, or a phone on the table, it's these subtle nuances that have progressively been normalised to the extent that manners and social etiquette is a bygone era. And we’re setting a bad example for our kids! 

Whether your child is six months or 16 years old, they truly know when you’re disengaged. This goes for activities, or sporting games, too. Your child notices you stealing glances at your phone while you’re helping with homework, watching their performance, or playing a game - put your phone away and your child will understand why you’re asking them to do the same.

Next time you’re enjoying meal time with your loved ones? Leave your phone in your pocket, handbag, and turn it off if you can and encourage your partner and children to do the same. If the time you get to spend eating breakfast, lunch or dinner with your family is limited, all the more reason to turn your phone off - family meals are not just about food. They’re often the only time you’re all in one spot! There’s always time to check your phone later on. Developmentally, if your children are teens, they’ll benefit when the table is tech free - they still need to be able to practice their social skills.

But wait, you say, you need your phone for a flat lay pic of your dinner for Instagram? Ask yourself this: wouldn’t you rather have catch ups with family and friends dedicated to quality conversations and using that time for the connections you need to thrive, rather than showing a bunch of strangers what was on the table?

It’s not just about manners - it's about looking after yourself. A way to bring back the things we really want in our lives, deeper and more meaningful connections, requires you to be present where you are. Tech in the bedroom? Set a time limit each night on the last social media scrolling you'll do before bed and charge your phone/iPad in a different room. Rely on your phone as a wake up? Buy an analogue clock and place it on your bedside instead (they're really affordable).

Listen to Mamamia's parenting podcast This Glorious Mess. Post continues below.

3. Saying 'please' and 'thank you' is not too much, it's good manners.

Having a grateful heart goes a long way in today’s day and age of entitlement. It’s a clear sign of respect as it shows consideration for others and demonstrates appreciation at a core level. When someone holds a door open for you, offers you a refreshment, or you want something from them, this is the time to come back to your core values. There’s always an opportunity for you to show that no matter who they are, you treat them with the same level of respect you’d appreciate to be shown. The other person will then be motivated and encouraged to want to invest in you a little more, whether a friend, colleague, partner, or child.

I always know when I have a polite, courteous student in my model masterclass that they’ll have longevity in the industry. Looks will get you to the door, it won’t keep you in the room. Those of us who’ve surpassed 10 plus years experience in the fashion and modelling industry have done so with business skills, humility, and gratitude. You’d be surprised how many adults have terrible manners!

4. Develop your capacity to relate well to the opposite sex.

Your parents have probably read the 'Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus' tome and yet we still live in a society with a noticeable disconnect between the sexes. Masculinity and femininity have different strengths and weaknesses, and it's important to note that one is not better than the other, they are just different. 

Mutual respect as a foundation is a great place to build a harmonious and equal relationship where both feel safe, seen, and supported.

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5. Make small talk.

Interpersonal skills and good communication are two of the best life skills you can develop as a human. It can be really scary at first, though the more you put yourself out there, the quicker you will find your place in the world. 

In my work, I've found the better I've become at small talk, the more opportunities present themselves. For example, one time I was talking to a makeup artist at a model casting. We chatted about work, travel and family, and then followed each other's social channels. That one connection led to me picking up two TV commercials and a few bridal shoots. We’re still good friends today; and I have referred so many clients to her as well.

The purpose of small talk is to get to know somebody you don't know or to 'warm up' a discussion. Asking questions that allow people to open up, talk about things they're interested in, or allow you to talk about things you're interested in, will create more genuine questions and answers. 

Learning to make small talk leads to building the confidence you need to start conversations, make connections, and further develop your social skills. The actual topic is irrelevant here, as it's more about conveying warmth, establishing trust, and it lays the groundwork for specific requests in the future. 

Kate Heussler is a businesswoman, model and coach. She founded The Model Masterclass to educate and train the next generation of models entering the fashion industry, equipping them with the social and business skills they need to thrive.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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