@beachhouse84 I ask again, where do we draw the line? Every single time there is an article with any statement PND or maternal exhaustion these comments appear, questioning mothers, interrogating if we should or shouldn’t be allowed these feelings based on the fact there is always someone worse off. Even though Holly had said so much more incredibly problematic statements why focus on this part? Maternal suicide is an Epidemic in the western world and we need to stop grilling mothers when they tell us it’s hard.
@beachhouse84 I don’t agree with Holly - but it’s a dangerous game to start implying that wealthy women do not have serious struggles with becoming a new mother and giving birth. PND and anxiety does not discriminate. Where do you draw the line about who can and can’t feel emotionally and physically exhausted from childbirth?
This whole article and the comments peeve me off as I took a huge paycut to allow for flexibility when I became a mother, so with that in account why should I do extra hours all when my colleagues are being paid better than me? Sorry but with the pay I have I’m not doing unpaid overtime. When Gen Z say that they get praised, when mums say it we get criticised.
@ican'tthinkofone oh no really now I feel bad!!!!! I email in the evening/night as I work during office hours and also have a toddler at home , and find it hard to formulate a succinct email when my mind is elsewhere - but we have a school email account and I always preface with no need to answer straight away. I wouldn’t expect an email during teaching hours anyway? In saying that I’ve only done it once.
Thankyou for explaining. I assumed the daddy thing was because he always takes the “reluctant father figure” part in roles. I’m realising I’m getting to an age where I need articles like this to explain young people lingo to me!
@laura__palmer I can’t think of any other time a person might possibly have major abdominal surgery, possibly genital tears, lose over a pint of blood, have an ferretin level of 3 and then think I’ll get up to care for someone else as opposed to met partner so they can get sleep for work. (I have a stressful job and still don’t get any sleep now and am fine compared to how I was after birth). It’s insane.
@gypsy I understand what you are meaning. I have many childfree Friends with happy and happy and meaningful lives, that’s not the point. This is more a Marie Kondo situation. Her art of tidying up has somewhat evolved since having small children!
@laura__palmer yes my grandmother raised 6 kids, but also had a maid and older kids helped to raise the younger ones. My dad thinks children are so much luckier now with so much more quality time spent with parents. He didn’t see much of his dad at all. When my grandfather passed away, my grandmother couldn’t drive, couldn’t fill in forms for herself, she was absolutely thrilled when I went to university (the first female in her family to do so).
This would be amazing! I love it and I wish I had this fearlessness!
Everytime there is an article about a celebrity whose face looks markedly different, and how it’s none of our business and nobody has to admit to surgery if they don’t want to, I feel a slight discomfort and I think this might be why. By not being allowed to discuss the obvious are we doing ourselves a disservice? Are we making surgery and Botox the norm and a normal 36 year old woman’s face abnormal? Disclaimer: I’m not dissing cosmetic surgery, more just the celebrities who insist it’s natural.
We did separate rooms with my first, then for my second and third I stayed in bed with husband and he brought the baby to me for night feeds. I recovered from my second and third births considerably faster and also was quite joyful post birth (was on the verge of serious PND with first). I agree we are always placing the needs of a new mum last , and with PND becoming so prevalent, it’s important we look at how our discussion around who needs the sleep is contributing to this.
@laura__palmer I think some people read it at face value and interpret it as meaning if you are stereotypically “ugly” it’s due to your thoughts. But I always thought it meant inner kindness shines through no matter if you fit societies definition of beauty.
“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.
You are both right! Because the best way to support a new mother is to give the the support she wants. Whether it be letting her have a rest in the morning or holding her hand at night. We are all different and there is no one fits all approach to parenting in those crazy newborn days.
@Daisy98765 my husband is a lawyer and had to work Christmas Day and often works 80+hour weeks! Maybe it depends also on the area of law you are in.
@simple simon no way! The list gets incredibly long. This is why there are so many happily single elderly ladies around. When my mum got divorced after 40 years of marriage there was no way she would interrupt her happy single life for a guy unless he was extraordinary!
@maree I was extremely sympathetic to M when she spoke about her post natal depression and the awful time she had and I still think she was treated badly - but why are they now dragging Kate with the knowledge that it is such a difficult time for new mums, and how the emotional roller coaster of hormones and sleep deprivation can alter our behaviour dramatically. Gosh I hope no one in my family is cruel enough to bitch about my behaviours three weeks after giving birth…..
@boymum what are the off the cuff remarks? Do you mean remarks by you or by other? Do you think as a mum, challenging what other people say would help- or if not…what would help?
@Paul S I have also blocked someone who constantly replies to all my comments. It is not Snorks but another user.
Mothers of all generations should be supporting each other. I’ve have wonderful experiences with mothers from all generations as it’s a tough gig and really shouldn’t we be uniting women together as per the “ethos” of the mamamia site?