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The 'Pick Me' mentality: MAFS highlights a sad truth about how women perceive themselves.

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When Married at First Sight‘s Vanessa prepared to walk down the aisle to meet a complete stranger, there was just one thing on her mind.

“I wish I had more confidence,” the 31-year-old bride said.

“I think my looks hinder me 100 per cent. I’m probably going to disappoint him,” she added.

As the ceremony wrapped up and the couple shared their first kiss, Vanessa’s doubts continued.

Watch a clip from Vanessa and Chris’ wedding on Married At First Sight below. Post continues after video.

“My gut tells me that he isn’t attracted to me,” she said.

“The only thing I can think of is that he doesn’t want to date me,” she added.

“I’m nothing special. There are a thousand girls that are prettier looking that could have walked down the aisle to him that he could have been attracted to – but he got me.”

Ahead of her wedding on Sunday night, fellow Married at First Sight contestant Connie was also crippled by self-doubt.

“I’m absolutely terrified,” Connie admitted.

“The bride is meant to be a beautiful goddess and I’m… not a goddess.”

As Vanessa and Connie shared their raw and honest fears about meeting their future ‘husbands’, many viewers sympathised with their struggles with self-confidence.

For some, watching Vanessa and Connie talk about their lack of confidence was like watching the contents of their brains being spilled out on national television. A running list of insecurities. Doubts. Fears.


They’re thoughts that permeate the minds of tens of thousands of women – often on a daily basis.

What if he doesn’t like me? Why can’t I look more like her? Why don’t I look like the photos I see on Instagram?’

But, interestingly, for Vanessa and Connie’s male counterparts on MAFS, their line of thinking was completely different.

Although Vanessa was deeply worried that Chris wouldn’t like her, Chris seemingly didn’t even consider the fact that Vanessa might not like him.

There were no fear or doubts. There wasn’t even a single hint of insecurity. At least none that we saw.

Jessie and Clare Stephens unpack the first week of Married At First Sight on Mamamia Recaps. Post continues below.

Through the experiences of Vanessa and Connie, Married at First Sight has highlighted an uncomfortable truth about how so many women are taught to perceive themselves.

Of course, Vanessa and Connie are not at fault for their own insecurities. Instead, their self-doubt – and the insecurities many women face – is a direct result of the way women have been told to value themselves.

As Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said: “We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men.”

Unlike their MAFS grooms, Vanessa and Connie immediately became worried about whether their husbands would like the way they look – and began comparing themselves to other women. They feared their husbands would take one look at them (or get to know them) and not ‘pick them’ rather than considering whether they felt a connection with their new partner.

From a young age, men are not taught of the need to change themselves for a relationship. There is no such thing as a ‘Pick Me’ mentality. Instead, men choose a partner who will love and accept them for who they are.

On the other hand, however, women are taught the exact opposite. They’re told time and time again if you change this or that about yourself, then Prince Charming will come along and pick you.

If only Vanessa and Connie could see themselves as we see them.

Feature Image: Channel Nine.

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