'Lindt balls have taken over Christmas. I won't stand for it.'

These days, Lindt balls monopolise Christmas and you can't disagree.

Whether they're found in gift boxes under every Christmas tree, adorning most table settings, and filling up many office bowls throughout December, you will find these devilish balls. 

Growing up, Christmas was a time when there were loads of different seasonal sweet treats present. There was Roses, Milk Tray or the now-defunct Whitman's Sampler chocolate boxes (yep, I'm that old), and just loads of different chocolate treats that people would indulge in over the holidays. 

But these days, Christmas is overwhelmingly dominated by balls, balls, and more balls.

Enough is enough.

Whether they're classic Lindor truffles, or dark, hazelnut, white, or (God forbid) strawberry and cream, if you celebrate Christmas then there's no doubt that Lindt balls will appear during at least one of your celebrations, or most likely, all. 

I'm not totally hating on Lindt chocolate. I'm the first to buy a Lindt bunny when they undoubtedly hit the shelves precisely two minutes after Christmas is deemed done. 

I've been known to scoff down a block (or two) of Lindt, shoutout to the Salted Caramel block which has got me through some real hard and hungry times.

Lindt is not the problem. It's those goddamn balls.

Lindor balls were first released back in 1949, with the name Lindor combining the brand Lindt and the French word "or" which is synonymous with luxury. 


Assorted selection of Lindt Lindor truffles. Image: Getty.

They're luxurious, sure, but Lindt balls were simply not made for the harsh Australian climate.

We're not in Switzerland, Lindt! 

Yes, I can accept that most of the Lindt products sold here are made in Australia, but it's the structure of the balls that is unsustainable in this environment. 


While it would be ideal for Lindt balls to be stored in an air-conditioned home 24/7 (must be nice!), the cozzie livs means this simply won't happen. Instead, Lindt balls being circulated at Christmas must exist in the Australian summer season, which means... it's bloody hot.

And you know what that means? They get all melty. As soon as you pop a Lindor ball down your gob, the ball will explode into a melted mess. 

I must be Augustus Gloop because I'm drowning in chocolate!

Not fun. Not enjoyable. Not in the spirit of Christmas. 

And because of this, you can't eat the balls slowly, you have to shove the whole thing in your mouth. This is annoying as I'm a slow eater, for example, it takes me about 20 minutes to dissect a Kit Kat, so the speed that Lindt balls must be consumed stresses me to no end. 

Then there's the indignity of opening the wrapper of a ball to find it's already melted inside. Disaster. You never know what you're going to get and that uncertainty is the last thing we need. 

This year has been shaped by shocking moments no one saw coming, we need our chocolate to offer comfort and consistency. 

Saying all that, if my mum and dad do want to gift me a pack of Lindor balls this Christmas, I won't say no. 

It is still chocolate and I ain't no Grinch. 

Feature Image: Getty. 

Do you have children aged under 13 years? Take this survey now to go in the running to win one of four $50 gift vouchers for your time.