Lily Allen: “I was a bad mum, I wasn’t making any money and I cheated on my husband.”

 

Lily Allen has never been shy, but now the outspoken singer has given what may be her most revealing interview yet.

Speaking to Vulture ahead of the release of her new album next month, the 33-year-old proved nothing was off-limits during her conversation with the publication.

Lily spoke candidly about cheating on her ex-husband Sam Cooper, her drug and alcohol use, and the guilt she feels about being a working mum.

The Not Fair singer confessed she’d been through a bit of a tough time in recent years.

“I lost my sense of self. I lost my identity. I was being a bad mum. I was being bad at my job. I’d wake up on a tour bus in the middle of Wisconsin and be so hung-over. I cheated on my husband. All I wanted to do was be with my kids. I wasn’t even making any money,” she said.

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Lily then went on to say this rough patch ended up costing her a lot of the things she held dear.

“I lost my marriage, I lost my house, I lost my mind. I literally had to hit rock bottom and build myself back up. Then I had my stalker,” she admitted.

“I couldn’t have been more isolated. I lost all of my friends. I couldn’t talk to anybody. I was on my own.”

And while she takes responsibility for the failure of her five-year marriage, Lily said her 40-year-old ex “could have done [more] to protect me”.

Instead, Lily confessed she would often turn to drugs and alcohol for help, saying she has a tendency to self-medicate when things get hard.

“If I’m feeling at my wits end, I’ll reach for whatever’s around me: alcohol, sex, drugs, Twitter,” she said.

“I need boundaries. I need to not let the tabloids knock me for six when they say something horrible.”

While she still enjoys the occasional drink, Lily said she doesn’t use drugs anymore.

She admitted her drug use has previously caused trouble for her, ultimately getting the British pop star temporarily banned from working in the United States.

“They asked me had I ever taken drugs? And I said, ‘Yeah, obviously.’ So they said, ‘Okay, denied!’ I had to do a year of pissing in a cup at the US Embassy to prove that I was clean,” she said.

Although she’s now able to work in the US again, Lily said it’s difficult with two young kids. She’s mum to daughters Ethel, six, and Marnie, five, with her ex-husband.

“In order to be the best for both jobs – being a mum and being a musician – I can’t do the other without doing the other,” she said.

“If I’m failing them I can’t concentrate on my music, and if I’m not happy and creatively content then I can’t mother properly. I have to have that balance.”

She also said she worries about her daughters “inheriting my insecurities and bad habits”.

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Another thing the singer finds “frustrating” is being signed to a major record label.

Lily said she often feels like she has very little control over her own image.

“I wish they would listen to my ideas more…” she admitted.

“Literally, I’ll say something to them and they’ll say, ‘No.’ Then they’ll hire someone else who’ll say exactly the same thing and they’ll be like, ‘Great idea!'”

She also said she’s not in music for the fame and money, and isn’t actually as rich as people may think.

“Most people have a goal to be really famous and play massive venues. In order to do that you have to please everybody,” she said.

“My goal has always been to have a laugh and not compromise my sense of self… I’m not in it for that game.”

She said it’s the same reason she’s pulled back from from award shows and attending other red carpet events.

“I don’t like being at self-congratulatory popularity contests. That’s when I start to reach for alcohol and drugs. It never ends well,” she admitted.

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